A Dan Yell

I wish Id never gone to board     In that house where I met     The touring lady from abroad,     Who mocks my nightmares yet.     I wish, I wish that she had saved     Her news of what shed seen,     That Dan OConnor is clean shaved     And parts his hair between.     The ladies down at Manly now,     And widows understood,     No more deplore their marriage vow     Or hopeless widowhood.     For Dan OConnor is the same     As though hed never been,     Since Daniel shaved that shave of shame,     And combed his hair between.     No more, Oh Bards, in Danyel tones     Hell voice our several fames,     And nevermore hell mix our bones     As once he mixed our names.     Let Southern minstrels dree their weird     And lay their sad harps down,     For Dan OConnors shorn of beard     And cracked across the crown.     The lobby and refreshment room     Are shorn of half their larks,     A newer ghost now haunts the gloom     That knew the ghost of Parkes:     The brightest joke Australia had     Is but a hopeless grunt,     It went for ever mad and bad     When Daniel shaved his front.     The fair Spotswhoshky weeps indeed,     Frogsleggi and Bung Lung,     With none to greet and none to speed     Them in their native tongue!     By Sucklar Key nor Golden Gate     No Dan is ever seen     Since Dan OConnor wiped his slate     And notched his top between.     But, Dan OConnor, (Lord knows best     The thing might be a sell),     You surely will forgive a jest     From one who wished you well,     When weve forgot the face we feared     And Time has deadened pain,     Oh! Dan OConnor, grow your beard,     And come to us again.