'Can't remove it from me!'

I want to write down, what is really in my head! But it's hard, For i am not sure i even know. I am confused, beyond my power to repair the damage done. (i try to smell a sweet fresh air... it is not there). Stuck within a creeping nightfall... I guess i'm simply waiting, For my day to come. I'm hurting deep within... a permeating sadness in my brain... in my mind, I cannot find... The happiness i show to many on my face. (in truth i feel like a true disgrace). Perhaps... in fact, sorry... i know, that almost all my pain is due to nomadic hands, a cruel fate for the minor i once remember me to be. No more now, innocence lost and gone, i feel sick, i feel wrong! Can i be helped? ... my anxiety creeps, My hatred for those fingers, runs so deep... Will not sleep? Cannot. But i can drink, Prevents the constant think. I cannot talk, All i do is roam and walk. Anxiety creeps. I cannot sleep. Could anybody help me? ... the days slip on so fast, I wish that i could speak, But my emotions make me weak... so fast i run. Will i ever, could i ever turn, to find a face so sweet. Offering their ears, their heart, Perhaps, Until then... i shall pretend. What is it though, i cannot shake? ... unhappiness fast breeds. I bleed! I need! I cry, to try to get some sleep. I need! I bleed! But i cannot outward bring this, i've hidden it too long, Become a sense of strong, At least, On the outside. Yet, lacking pride, Self worth, Self preservation! ... (desire simple retaliation). I wish there was a someone, By My Side! Always and forever, with a love to share, To understand and hold me. Care. It seems these things are few and far between. Indeed... Rare! I want and need to let it out, make my mind find ease, Like a nightmare meeting dream, I imagine; a battle will ensue, And as it always should... The bad be crushed by good! I could be free! ... FREE! Finally... Written January 13th, 2002 © on Jan 13 2002 01:22 AM PST, harry luck    18 • 0 • 10