Alternate Suicide Letter

I'm trying everyday,you don't know how i feeldon't get me wrong maybe you have felt the samebut you wouldn't knowIt's my fault for that i've kept you in the darknever letting anyone in my real selfYou've never seen me cry, that's because i don'tyou've never seen me poutand show confusion, i won'tI could end it all, and i've got the pillsall my life gone down the drainin one night..with one final drinkmixed with medicationYou haven't tried to help meand i haven't shown you there was any help neededI have just kept the happy faceand always have been there, when you had something on your mindYou have always loved mei know thati don't tell you i do in returni hope you feel it though.I really don't know why i am still here,i have planed on leaving... but i guess i can'tI think it's because i couldn't stand for you to be upsetYou've spent over 19 years caring, raising and loving meNever once stoping, always unconditionally.You've put your whole life on hold many timesjust to comfort me.I can call you up right now in the middle of the nighttell you i had a bad dream,and i know you will talk to me untill i can sleep welland you would never complain about the sleep you've lost doing that.I could be poor tomorrow, and you'd give me your worldanything for me, and i can't understand whyi wish i could say the same thingI hope i'd do the same things as youEarlier on in life i wrote a lettersaying good bye to you and everyone else.But how could i be so selfish to bring myself to do such a thing as i wrote it all i could see is you crying, and you were destroyed after what i planned to do.so before i reached the ending of that letter,i desided to stick around,and ever since then every single moment i spent with youi'm happier, So although you'll never read this, I just want to say i'm not going anywheredon't worry,I love you tooWhen i was alittle younger i planned on commiting suicide. But all i could think of when i wrote the letter was my mother's feelings. I know she like any mother would never want to outlive their own child.. esspecially due to a suicide. So i decided to write this for her... and yes.. it doesn't rhyme lol.. and i don't even think it's a poem i just felt like writing it 'It seemed like a good idea at the time' lol Written October 29th, 2001 © on Oct 29 2001 02:32 PM PST   10 • 0 • 8