2nd Class Wisdom (co-written with Tyler Durden)

Here are some situations you might run into in life, so we share our wisdom.... If you ever have a dog with just one eye and three legs, you shouldn't take him to the normal park because he might scare all the normal dogs away. Instead, take him to the "Deformed Dog" park so he will feel at home. This one time this guy jumped in front of me in a movie line and all this hate boiled up inside with all my past unresolved conflicts. I wanted to punch him in the face.But I didnt want to get my ass kicked, so I did nothing. If you're ever getting mugged, just act like your epileptic and brake out into a fake seizure. The criminal will have a lot of trouble getting into your pocket when you're shaking violently. Plus it will be loads of fun. If you're ever washing your hands at work, and you hear voices coming from the drain telling you to quit it with all the hot water, you should just leave it running after you're done, just to teach that whiner a lesson. If you're ever taking a poo in a public restroom and someone comes in just start saying,in the softest squeekiest voice, " Daddy, is that you,daddy?" Sooner or later they will get annoyed and leave. Written February 26th, 2002 © on Feb 26 2002 09:45 AM PST   10 • 0