You Did This Not Me ! (Warning Rant!)

It amazes me how you can take a situation and turn it all on me. Take for instance yesterday, Lover’s Day…..Valentine’s Day. You buy me a sweet, romantic card, Filled with all the words I long to hear, long to feel. What where you thinking when you signed your name to the card? That I would believe them? That I would feel you meant them? That my heart would forget every other day, When you said whatever came to your mind, Without any thought of how you rip my heart out and tromp upon it? Then you buy me a box of expensive chocolates, Nothing grand, but the thought was there. I see your face searching mine as I read the card. Maybe, a little piece of you hoping for some emotion from me. All I can do is hide my hurt, my rage. When in reality all I wanted to do, Is tell you to take the card and the candy, Your little tokens of your sick love, Shove them up your ass! You can't buy my love, You never could, You never will understand it! You will not pull me back in with your games. You are the one who pushed me away years ago. You were the one who ignored my pain. You were the one who caused it. You were the one who said there was no problem, If there was a problem it was my problem, not yours. You were the one who sat there and ignored me, I said you were pushing not only me out of your life, But your children as well. You were the one who made your choices. You were the one who forced me to make mine. I never wanted a divorce. I didn’t get married to just call it quits when problems arose. I wanted a loving family, A home, a husband, a lover, a friend, a confidante. I guess I wanted too much... I won’t be your fool, Your status quo, Your trophy on your arm, Your possession, Your little toy to take off the shelf when you want to play. I won’t fall for your head games anymore, No matter how much it plays with my heart and my head. I won’t let you make me feel like some idiot, Too stupid to realize I’m just a pawn in your chess game of life. Someday, in my chess game of life, I will find the King who can love the Queen back, The way that she can love him. If I don’t well so be it... But, no more... I have closed the door to my heart, You no longer hold the key...just a way to get it off my chest......sorry, ranting 8( Written February 15th, 2002 © on Feb 15 2002 01:12 AM PST   18 • 0 • 1