For Amanda

~For someone… who doesn’t even understand herself. For someone who thinks she loves. For someone who lies to herself, and can’t tell the difference from the truth anymore. For someone who is blinded by their own ignorance. Blinded by someone who is beyond help because they wrapped herself up in a world of lies. Someone who thinks they hurt herself. Blind. I’m talking to you. Can you hear me? Are you listening? I am talking to YOU! ~You don’t know what you wantIsn’t it horrible?You think you know… but I know you betterI don’t have to live with you your whole life to know youAre you listening?I know youDoes it scare you?Does itProbably not because you are taintedTainted by your liesYou think you loveYou love you love you loveHow many guys do you “love?”Do you know what’s going to happen?One day you’ll find someone you really love…And it won’t mean that muchJust like all the othersYou wore your heart downNo you know what I really don’t like your personalityBut I like you inside.The person who doesn’t lie just to make herself seem more interesting.You lie it’s funnyYou start to believe all the shit you sayYou don’t know what’s the truth anymoreSo how can you judge yourself?YOU DON’T KNOW YOURSELF!Does that make any sense?Of course it doesIf you can’t decipher the lies from the truth…How do you know who you are?You are stupidYou fucked up your own lifeNot you not anyone elseNot anyone but yourselfYou chose to lieYou let people take things away from youYou think you are strong…But you are weakI have more strength in my pinky fingerNot to be harsh, but to try and make you seeYou might think I am betraying you, but I’m trying to helpI know you’ll always be a liarEven if you say your notYou know who I am talking about now?Right I bet all of you know. EVEN YOU!If you’re going to lie get the facts straightDon’t contradict yourselfDon’t pretend to be something your notYou’re NOT anorexic.They don’t eat anything… you eatAll the time. Anorexics don’t tell people that they areYou try to get attention by saying stupid stuff about yourself that’s not even true, and horrible timesYou’re not a cutterPeople don’t just say itThey don’t hand people something and sayNever give it backTrue cutters would find anything and everything to cutThey wouldn’t give it awayOpen your eyesIf you’re going to lie do it rightNot that I want you to lieYou know I’m talking about you now don’t you?You thought it was you all along…Didn’t you?Now you knowI won’t say anything to youJust read it and take it to heartWhen you’re done… read it overSTOP! Just stop lying to yourselfI care about your heart, that’s itWhat you are outside of the liesSo right now I guess you could say I don’t care at allAll you are… are liesStop lying your actually only hurting yourselfYou don’t need anyoneDon’t depend on themJust rememberYou think people are always hurting you…But you’re always hurting yourselfThis is it. My last fighting rope. ***** I hope I make you see. Please don't hate me. If you do... that's all up to you. Written November 24th, 2001 © on Nov 24 2001 07:58 AM PST   18 • 0 • 1