Insanity

I’m running I’m running so fast Just when I think I got away I see your shadow You’re catching up with me GO AWAY It’s my other self Leave me alone The other me Running faster Just when I think I got away again I see more shadows this time More fake mes Catching up with me Pulling me down Try I try so hard But it just doesn’t seem to be cutting it Anymore I quit trying for other people a long time ago I try for myself But I hate myself I really don’t know why either No one knows what to tell me I can’t find my answers It’s so hard when everything is against you Little tiny 91 pound me Pushing against the world It’s hard It’s so hard I’m only 14 Why? Why do I have to be the one to deal? Why do I have to have all this shit? I try to make my life the best it can be But there are things I can’t change WHY! Why can’t I change them? I keep trying and trying And yet I still break my heart Why doesn’t anyone understand me? Why can’t I understand myself? Why doesn’t anyone listen to me? No one cares Why Why do I feel that way? Why can’t I trust anyone? Why can’t people keep their promises to me? Why are people sorry? SORRY Is a horrible word It makes me cringe Why can’t I deal with this anymore? I’ve done it for 14 years now, Shouldn’t I be used to it Why Why aren’t there any answers? Why why why? As the tears stream down my face I find it hard to believe one can go through so much torture Am I hurting myself? Why Why am I killing myself? Why do I care? What keeps me here? Why That’s all I want to know What’s my purpose? Why can’t I live by myself? I can’t get away Running running so fast Not good enough Never Undeserving Why Why is it so? Words savage they tear at my heart Nothing left Suffocation Why Ow It really hurts Listen No sorry run Run away run faster NO GO AWAY! Get away from me Let me alone Where have I gone? Why Why this? What’s wrong? Why can’t I figure it out? Running faster Don’t catch up go away Run run Agony Sheer agony Heart no more Suffocation Agony Repeat it back to me Run run fast as you can Don’t let it catch up Pain Real bad It hurts its so hard Why Why is it so hard? Am I doing it? Why Why am I doing it to myself? Help save me Sorry you’re not Don’t think you know Shut up No talking Whisper hurts my head I hurt all over Pain Death Suicide Why What keeps me here? Can’t go through with it no Insane Rambling words of madness Repeating over and over Welcome To my life Same thing Every day Why can’t I stop? Want to stop Addicted To depression Why Why me why me Invisible Murderer That’s all you are Pain Agony Sheer agony Running Now I am really Don’t yell at me No stop me No don’t, cant figure it out Run sheer agony Pain Is blinding I can’t see No more Why Why can’t I see? Pain hurts Ow Heart broken Shattered Mutilated Abused Why To myself Run yes I will I am right now Don’t come find me Doubt Doubt you could Why Why can’t you? No Why No just noRambling words what I feel right now. No where to turn ripping out my hair. Don't feel sorry don't you ever. Help just help no sorry. Written November 14th, 2001 © on Nov 14 2001 11:35 AM PST   18 • 0 • 1