Suicide of the Heart

I hate you so much you would never understand. A hatred only felt by one in a million. I‘ve never met anyone who seriously doesn’t care about anything. I tried so hard to see beyond your personality and love you as a brother. I did it for you so you would know that deep down inside… I love you. It was really really hard, so tough for me. Ever since we were little you were always horrible to me, and I never did anything to you. I don’t even need one hand to count the times when you were there for me. The thing that hurt me the most was your promise. The only promise you ever made to me and you made it more than once. You broke it time and again. This last time you took my heart with it. I used to try and be optimistic; things have to get worse before they get better… right? But I have given up. The first and only thing I will ever give up on… you. That sounds so horrible doesn’t it? I never knew one could cause so much pain and draw a wound so deep/ Even now you continue to mock me. And the thing that gets me is a little while later, you pretend like it never happened. I can’t ever get away from you. If I talk to someone it gets back to you somehow. I try not talking to you, but that only makes you madder. I really don’t care what people say anymore. Call it trauma, call me changing, and tell me I need to get over it, but you people don’t know. I don’t care. No one will ever understand what you do to me. Tight now I could care less if this hurts you because this is only like 1/269 of what you’ve done to me. I don’t care you I hurt anymore, because I’ve gone mad. Committed suicide of the heart. It hurts me that I don’t even have enough will power to at least make you be nice to me, two seconds out of a single day. I don’t care who you show this to, because I’m not looking into the future anymore. I’m tired of waiting for things that isn’t ever going to come. Take me away please! I beg you. Anything can be better than this; I don’t care what other people think. I just want to throw up you make me so mad. Call me a sick fuck people, never talk to me again I don’t care anymore. I know I am wrong but I am… I don’t know what I am. I guess I’m tired of being right, and being the better person. I don’t care!!! Leave me alone!! I swear to god everyone leave me the hell alone.I'm so torn up with emotions I can not think straight! Written November 6th, 2001 © on Nov 06 2001 11:11 AM PST   0 • 1