fragments, admissions, admonitions

I want to go outside and sleep in my car I still want to drive away Further than the elderly Down past the ice and snow I want to drive in sunlight But still pass ice and snow Glistening in sunlight I itch to break through ice And reach a side of you Untouched by time Crystallized unconsciously beautiful You will be a revelation of science if I wash your feet with my hair I think it might clean my head and I could watch drops of perfunctory greetings pool quietly in a ring around me A truism like afterbirth is love that sharpens nails in boards that lie prone and flush and camouflaged within your musty barn, dust motes congregating illumined. I lost my tongue for speaking long before I met you, but since your face has in my dreams appeared in shadows I have no taste for truth and you will never know that what I want to say is truth is both and neither. In recent days, I have been trying to touch and treat everything more lightly. I feel a better person for it. Sometimes I think I might be able to say what I think to someone. I am excited in anticipation. I want to run forever in the air you can't feel. Lesbians and lawyers are each sexy in their own way. I am good at ping pong. Not great... but good. Punk has its moments. Get angry at the right things. Sometimes I think I could find myself and still be lost. Would that be so bad? Being lost is not the problem, I think. If you are in a new place, look at it. Never until harvest moon Will I grasp at midnight reaping Nor will echo call to earthly lover Nor will gasping breaths red penants stir Until the globe is half traversed By noon and honeybees In stumbled flight a wave-like rhythm bringing A pleasant and invited burning I have left behind this purpose To build a low and humid temple Where I will convert myself again.It's not that I haven't been writing, it's that none of it is me. I cannot grasp this white whale. Written March 5th, 2002 © on Mar 05 2002 04:13 AM PST   0 • 10