She's Ill on the inside!

-"Hey Mr. Carter how are you?" -"Oh hi Hanna I'm fine you did your work?" -"yeah I did." (so damn happily saying that like nothing's wrong) I sit down and open the window cause Keith told me to do so. I secretly want to open it cause I know it will happen... The lesson starts... I wait ten minutes, the fun starts. People come in ussually late. I see Mike, Nick and Zak all sitting in front of me. I know I won't be able to take a walk.. I CAN'T GET OUT.Even though I am allowed..what will change? I'll have to get back in. I wanna feel confortable. I am squashed uhhh damn I can always jump out.. only don't wanna embarrass myself cause my hips might get stuck and everyone will just wish me luck on getting throung the frame of the window faster, rather than not jumping out. HE HE Yeah so i see these big ears and thoughts get into my head and they keep me away from thinking about the shit that's always at the back of my mind. Stupid anxiety or whatever it is. I start day-dreaming about something or someone (ususally something that doesn't happen). I use defence mechanisms to get away from reality; Sweet lemon or Sour grapes. I wake up from it and I feel like I just toked i see all these faces melting in the classroom , Mr. Carter's voice is fading away, it's like dying but in your head, or fainiting (never happenned to me before so I don't know). My mind gets into a dilemma the ID and the EGO (whoever made that up). I don't know I love this calss I don't wanna leave but my body does. What if I'll throw up...I'd rather die. So I sit and don't move, or move very fast turning the ring on my sweaty finger. I look at the palms of my hands they are turning colours. Uhh I feel the liquid in my throat ...coming up ( I haven't eaten for 20 hours SHIT! Still what, why is there somethign in my stomach) Oh my god I'd do anything for this to go away. (ECHO):AWAY...Away...away...(fades) "So who took photography here?" says Mr. Carter I raise my hand to get away from this "ME!" It fades, it's gone I'm just laughing in my head at how paranoid I am! AHAHA can't wait to go to Mr. Adomako's period "JOKES!!!" Damn I wish Anxiety would just come here and fight me. come on come on.. hehe You misss! I KILL! Bell: RRRRRRING!!! Ah what a relief...it's like loosing my memeory. P.S:BUT IT ALWAYS COMES BACK BY:HANARCHY Written February 13th, 2002 © on Feb 13 2002 12:34 PM PST   0 • 12