October Madness

*(being an almost daily collection of stream-of-consciousness free verse) Shadows cast obscurity playing light and dark alike. The brighter it seems to be, the darker are the shadows... deep black holes sucking in all emotion. Channel surfing out of ennui, jumping from relationship to relationship with a click of the internal remote. Refuting stability - demanding change unable to commit emotionally. Shucking rocks at the beach, standing in the rain, tears disguised and unseen - trying not to feel the pain. I cry out the inner pain bereft of gentler senses. Heart-lock'd, grief stricken... the fires of anguish char my soul. Am I forlorn or forsaken to grieve thus? Nay... none but my own ineptitude causes such tortuous moment. My sensibilities, chained though they may be to dark and dire bodings, attest my will to foment change. Step by precious step progress until, at last, the goal at least comes into view... the more attainable it might be! Pride goads me relentlessly on... though pitfalls loom across my path. Dark holes I have fallen into before, escaping from which has cost me dear. Threatening not only my life, but what I value even more... companion's trust and tender mood. Sleep... sweet respite from the dreary throng of day - how it can refresh at once while yet draining even more the will's energy's resolve. Dreaming takes its toll... for in that twilight state we act in heroic conviction, or cower in abject fear... confusion reigns o'er totality. Desperate moments of peace punctuate predominant conflict. Too short the respite - once again immersed in Chaos' dark vortex. The path narrows but leads ever down. The Stygian damp permeates the air - only glowworm's faint light illuminates all. Musty, smelling of decay and moisture, I breathe in Death's exhalations. My mind inhabits a fantastic land... where unicorns play in green fields and griffins and dragons speckle the sky. A land of beauty and magic... and peace. No armies vie for conquest here. Terror's minions yet shun this place. On faery wings I traverse the realm - a partnered denizen full at home. Contentment fuels me and lulls me. Anon the sky darkens - what have I missed? An open portal exists... a two-way door... letting evil find a foothold within. I am aware, but worry not. What must pass shall do so, despite all I may seek to gainsay. Testimonial to my determined will, or just dyed-in-the-wool stubbornness? Whatever... the final epiphany is the same - no different! Even so, thought must continue. From death to life and back again our energies traverse Being's realm. Are we, or are we not? The answer lies not on the FAQ page. Even Jeeves stands impotently stumped. Prazosin for the prostate, prinivyl for pressure paxil and prozac for de-pression... now what was the pravastatin for? Oh yeah!  cholesterol! Somehow the preponderance of 'p's perplexes my pessimistic psyche! Possibly a plot by some pernicious power? We over-medicate our bodies and minds, Nature's remedies cast off and forgotten. In a chemical world, how can we survive? We worship Dow and Bayer. We pay tribute to Squibb and Upjohn. Pharmaceuticals govern our lives in ways we cannot imagine... of course, I am suffering from paranoia! Bodies and brains laden with drugs, minds duped by a constant barrage of meaningless drivel from the box in the living room, we falter - unable to cope with naked reality. But then - must we actually cope? Can't we just coast along and live off the labors of others? Life's lessons can only be learned by opening the book and participating wholly in the experience. Every day we revisit futility. Doomed to repeat all that's past. We make the same mistakes our parents made, then add our own. Bury your head in religion's sand. What you can't see can kill you. Knowledge is the weapon against darkness. Logic and reason can prevail, but ignorance is hereditary and a difficult foe to overcome. They wallow in stupidity, elect C-minus presidents and watch television soap-operas. Reality contained in a 23-inch box and fed to them 24 hours a day. Cram it down their gullets! If you repeat it often enough, they will believe it, no matter how outrageously wrong! Terror grips them now, more terrifying due to lack of a tangible enemy. Blame it all on "the evil one", whoever he may be... today. In the end, October madness takes its pound of flesh. Life resumes after the pause and stumbles along as before. The blind are still blind, but now also lame. The speakers have become mute, but this matters not since all about seem quite deaf. Carrying her heart in her hand, Justice weeps. October, 2001Inspired by MikeLondon et al. I was moved to try my hand at stream of consciousness free verse. This was written in daily installments all of October. Written November 2nd, 2001 © on Nov 01 2001 04:58 PM PST, Heinz Scheuenstuhl    10 • 0