Ramblings on trying to connect with a soulmate

Ramblings on trying to connect with a soulmate 2-26-02 The year 2000 was supposed to be the year of reconnection - rebuilding of our relationship. I had it all planned and designed. But it was not to be. Our son stole center stage, and stands there still today in sullen defiance. Your eloquently voiced impressions of our thirty years are so radically different from my own feelings that I truly despair for my heart's longing. It seems that nothing I can say or do could ever recompense or remedy your pain. 2-28-02 I find that I cannot speak my true anguish for so often are my words so devastatingly misunderstood and my "motives" misapprehended. I cannot explain... I do not know how. I can only continue to hope that little by little my feelings can become clear. I am trying so desperately hard not to further erode our bond that I am often afraid to speak my mind's truth. That, too, adds to the erosion and the dilemma feeds my inconsistency and undermines my resolve. And yet as I am able to change myself I cannot lose sight of this goal.This is a work in progress. I expect to be adding to it from time to time. Your comments are welcome. I am creating this for my own reassurance and may eventually find the courage to give it to my partner. Written February 28th, 2002 © on Feb 28 2002 09:35 AM PST, Heinz Scheuenstuhl    0 • 10