for ryan

"She thinks a million timesof what could bein her little black holeabout the perfect manperfect houseperfect dreamshe smudges hate onto  her facethe colour of fushia #5she dreams of her perfect childre..."

"hit meknock me to the groundbeat me and leave me for deadrip out my soulstomp on my heartpound in my headmake me feel empty tease me with a brief tantalizing moment of lightthen shock me with the dark..."

"Across the roomI stare at you,our eyes meet;you seem to notice me.I notice you, the way your eyes stare right into meas though you are looking into my soul.I feel so transparent.I feel useless.My legs..."

"Hello its me  Do you remember me?      Do you remember my face?          My hair, my smile, my laugh?            Do you remember how guliable I was?          How simple, how silly? How stupid I wa..."

"Or would you fly away or would you cling tight or would you run as fast as you can or would you hold me close or would you tell me you love me or would you pass me off as another or would you cry ..."

"she has regrets in her life how many times she has given up how many times has she thought too much how many times has she passed the chance up She knows its her fault she allows herself to be a litt..."