The Freakin Tree Tradition

Every year around this time tradition begins anew we must go out and get a tree, even if it's fourty below Clothes prepared an hour here, truck warming an hour there, sharpen the axe, get the rope and other stupid mondane things like that. Another hour of bitching here before we finally prepare to begin the quest for the tree. Then we three, Grumpy, Nag-a-lot and I Don't Want To Be Here, are into the truck and off and into the blizzard of the century. Down a road that I can't see, out searching for a stupid tree. "There's the turn" Nag-a-lot screams. "A little freakin late" I say,and slam on the breaks, finally stopping some forty miles away. Into reverse and back to the turn I can sense her glee. Can't wait to break her neck, I mean kill this tree, Onto the road, like arena ice, gullies deep left and right. Blinding snow is all I see, nothing out there resembles a tree. "We'll all be dead soon" I say, "Just shut up and look for a tree" "Stop, stop" Nag-a-lot hollers at me. "Jeez, I'm here only two feet away, "No need to scream" I say. I Don't Want To Be Here is now having a blast, laughing, watching the old people clash. The truck finally slides and stops, I'm pissed now, more than ready and willing to kill, a tree. Out I get and on my ass in a flash "Are you OK" Nag-a-lot laughs at me. "OK" say I, grabbing the axe hoping that she would just get out of the truck with me. Blizzard howling I fail to see Nag-a-lot pointing out the tree. "That one there" she's yelling at me. "OK" says I. Down intothe gully I go, disappearing into twelve feet of snow. Drenched in sweat I fight my way over to a tree, any tree. Cussing, hacking, chopping, and down it goes. Finally. Wahoo! An hour later it's on the road and I'm relieved. Then Nag-a-lot peeks her head out and hollers at me, "Thats not the one I seen". Screaming and pulling my hair I glare and say "It will have to do dear" I have to yell above the noise because I Don't Want To Be There is laughing like hell. It was getting dark when we make our way back, avoiding the twelve other trees that were hacked by me. Now all thats left is to put it up if it does't blow off the truck. Another tradition for Grumpy, Bossy and I Don't Want To Be Here, This is it I think to me, next year we'll be getting a nice warm fake tree. Written December 4th, 2001 © on Dec 04 2001 04:33 AM PST   0 • 14