the start of something beautiful

SUN MORNING, A LIGHT TOUCH ON THE CHEEK, REMEMBERING HOW SOFT HIS SKIN WAS.......... . it stays forever you know, your childhood. it stays with you like an extra limb or some shit it never goes always, always at the back of your head in the dark part of the brain. NIGHT TIME, AND I CARESS YOUR BEAUTIFUL BODY WITH FINGER TIPS STRETCHED AND PLEASED.......... I remember my childhood like a b grade film something I sat through but hated all the way from start to finish and you don't even know its bad until you walk away and look at it from another angle. MORNING, NIGHT, MORNING, NIGHT and the only thing that changes is the amount of natural light and the color of the sky. the masses travel in packs for safety, they carries silver compact objects to reflex the pain in another direction, any direction.i see them at bus stops, in cafes, on the streets the wounded wingless creatures. bleeding and empty. fill, fill the void............................................................... at 3 I was abused by 5 I was lost fucked up already. smile dear she would say, smile and everything will be fine. so I plastid a smile of my face and it didn't fade till my teens when drugs and drink took over, suicide, self mutilation and unsafe sex with ugly boys in back alleys. if just once she had of asked if anything was wrong but I now know she couldn't do that it would of revealed all the abuse and she didn't want her fragile world of denial to fall to pieces. the blue print for my life was already mapped and I was unsure of everything........ now I'm here a long way from home and the abuse of my childhood...... I still get scared I still feel abused it doesn't leave you. its like a finger print of my physic. enough, enough , enough. IT WAS TO BE HER DESTINY TO WRITE AND READ TO SING AND DANCE. IT WAS WRITTEN IN THE STARS THE SAME STARS SHE GAZED AT WHEN SHE WAS A CHILD. THE GODS KNEW THE WAY OF WISDOM ALL SHE NEEDED TO DO WAS LET GO.......... I sat back to count the stars 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,.she gazed from behind her golden cast of female figure.through her emerald green eyes. she saw everything. the movements of a cat the wings of the big moth with magic dust and the energies that danced in the sky. stop chasing dreams they would say, stop gazing in to the air and focus, focus on what the pain the torture the lifeless nights of bitter remembrance. she stood tall a poppy in the field of green, the small country girl , in the broken town of bullshit and deception. touch the sky, make it fit, rip me open,, split me lightly,. la la la la la la la la la la la And we danced in a circle around and around chanting jargon like it was our first language. and they all sat strange eyed and cock happy. hands on dicks, mind in gutters. he stood at he door and peered in................................ his jeans were ripped and his mouth was dry. he went to the sink and filled a glass till it overflowed into the sink. he put glass to his dry cracked lips and swallowed all into his body. the glass slipped from his fragile boy hands and smashed into a thousand little pieces of reflective glass. sunlight caught a blonde curl that dangled in his green eyes. Written April 12th, 2002 © on Apr 12 2002 12:38 AM PST   0 • 10