Children Of War

Children  Of  War I've never been a soldier, But I know what war is like. Having survived a childhood Besieged by enemies More dangerous and insiduous Than those armies faced with guns. My enemies~ Were alcoholism and abuse. And I was unarmed.... I never got just the one year tour of duty. In some-- Battle torn country. I was there for the duration of 12 years. Escaping~ Like a prisoner of war. Only to be snapped back in the fold When they'd find me, Or -- I broke down and told. Just like a soldier Who has no life of his own, I was Children's Aid posession Theirs to send wherever they wanted From foster home to foster home When the burden of raising me Pushed them to the limit. But~ It wasn't rest and relaxation for me... Because No matter where I went, The disease  ran rampant through my family. From foster home to foster home With no love  or family To provide me with. DAMN THIS SYSTEM-- You have failed me once too often. Bedroom inspections were always on Tuesday. IF... Everything was perfect I could go outside to play. But... A messy bed, Or a paper out of place... I'd pay dearly. What does a 6 year old know about hospital corners? Normal childhood activities like play? Not this child.... I was always combat ready. Training myself to survive. I had to be on guard---- Alert... Nighttime was the worst. But.. Unlike armed camps There wasn't any sentries laying in my bed Hovering between exhaustion and sleep Listening for the intruder To come into my room. OR Waking to find that he had alread infiltrated And was lying on top of me. How could I do anything else except.... Play dead? My childhood was a war zone. As  frightening and devestating as vietnam. A battleground of fear. Where discord and conflict Were the rules. Once in a while..... When I allow the feelings stored since childhood Bubble to the surface.... I have a hard time keeping them under control. I immediately want to fight or flee. Destroy something..... Sometimes..... Even......ME Written April 2nd, 2002 © on Apr 02 2002 02:46 PM PST   0 • 1