Forgiveness

FORGIVENESS There are those that expect me to forgive, To let charitable kindness and reason Wash over me, Like a rushing stream Over jagged rocks. To forgive? Now~ But how do I forgive? How can I possibly forgive them After what they did to me? Try to imagine the humiliation And violation of rape, Then, Imagine it as constant, Unpredictable, But Inevitable. Now, Place it in the context of imprisonment And finally~ Place it in the hands of a beloved caretaker. While he says it is for you he is doing it. The violation breaks you apart~ Like an atom hit too hard, You split, Like a knife-- The pain goes straight to the heart. Your spirit leaves to float above Now~ You can only watch and wait For him to finish His "parody of love." His particular brand of hate. You lay helpless, No will, No strength. To stop or control it, Or call a halt. And if he could feel but just a tenth of the pain He'd acknowledge his fault. Today, Years later~ I'm still weeping, Raging, And searching for answers. BUT---- I am also loving. In my heart, Along with grief and the fury I FOUND LOVE. How can I forgive? Because I am a survivor. I survived a childhood of horror And I am still going And through forgiveness I can release the pain and the anger That ties me to the past And reclaim myself, I will not just have survived---- I will have triumphed And in that~ I can forgive. Written March 19th, 2002 © on Mar 19 2002 01:15 AM PST   0 • 12