If only I knew

if I knew you weren't coming back that when you walked out that morning that it would be the last, i would have kissed you with more passion than you'd ever known with more desire than you knew i was capable of imploring you to stay and love me. i would have held you this much closer wrapped my arms around you and never let go looked deep into your eyes and soul and told you how i really feel. if i knew this might never happen again i would have made you stay with me instead of smiling as you faded away. i would have touched you more tenderly held you more dearly made it harder for you to say goodbye. if i knew that you didn't really mean it i would have cried when you called me beautiful turned my head from your kisses instead of relishing them like a flower needing rain kept you at arms length and told you to go home telling myself it isn't real to make your departure easier. if i knew it was just a game to you i would never have played for keeps your sincerity just another ploy to keep me interested and my hopes alive. i would never have let you into my home my life, my heart, so you could destroy me. i would have spat at your smiles and sneered at your false honesty. but i didn't have any idea that you wouldn't be back.Feb 2001, Written December 4th, 2001 © on Dec 04 2001 01:50 PM PST   0 • 10