I am...

I sit here crying, knowing that I am ... Every one looks at me with a fake smile but don't realize I can tell that I am... My whole life is one big peice of shit ever since I was 10 and I realizes I am... My sister died and I couldn't take it and I realized I am... People try to chear me up but they don't realize what is in my head that's why I am... I can't take it no more why does every one hate me why don't they realize who i really am why can't i remove this invisible box over me? I feel like i am traped in a place where no one can hear me, where no one knows where i am I feel like my whole life is a lie and that no one can tell me the truth I tried to leave the world we live in but i had no guts to push the sharp object deaper I tried to tell my mom about my life but she wouldn't listen she just looked at me like i was a not there like i was just the air she breathed I dream of where we go when we die if it is like how i was told as a kid but i have my own thoughts that i cannot explain Everyone thinks i have a perfect life because i hide it under my face like i don't have problems I have dreamed of hanging myself in my kitchen  but i woke when my mom came into the dream I cannot answer these queastions in my head but i can say this fuck the whole world i don't deserve to live but till i die my life will be shit and if you try to help me i will fall deeper into depression because no one knows how i am feeling, no one knows what i think because they know i am.. Written April 4th, 2002 © on Apr 03 2002 05:09 PM PST   0 • 18