i have made it so

i feel that i have the power, to end it all with a quick motion, in my mind theres no reason to live, i just live with this suicidal emotion. my mind blurs from the rage, in which you have brought to me, my heart races from these saddening thoughts, that you made me have to see. veins carry blood from my heart, all throughout my body, but when it finds a break in its path, it pours out in a great quantity. my hands become cold from the loose of blood, my skin turns white from the cut on my wrist, as i think about my life and how it was, i remember the ones i love and that i will miss. the lights are starting to get dim, my brain is starting to fade away, it gets hard for me to breathe, but the memories of sadness and pain stay. i try to let go of these memories, but they seem to be an everlasting part of me, people have effected my life without even knowing, and this is what you people have made me be. i scream out the question why, but theres noone around to answer it, i start to get sad and begin to cry, i let out a sigh and have a fit. i go insane swinging my arms around, getting blood on everything in the room, i realize this makes no sense at all, in a bit this room will be my tomb. i sit down to think some more, how my life turned out like this, i look around and find my razor blade, i pick it up and give it a kiss. you are the one that released me from this world, you are the one that ended all of my tourment, it starts to get hard to move around, it feels like my body is a bag of cement. all the blood that is on the floor and on the walls, the blood on my arms and on my feet, soon it will be time to let go, not knowing who in the other world i am going to meet. i stare into the mirror to see my own reflection, its getting hard to stay awake, i know as soon as i pass out it will be over, no more happy birthdays or a birthday cake. i lay down on the floor and feel all my lost blood, i take a deep breath and begin to relax, soon death will be reaping my soul, my brain now dies and melts like wax. my heart begins to remember all the ones i love, and remembering the good times, all from along time ago, the last of my tears form at my eyes, i take my last breath and die, i have made it so. Written February 19th, 2002 © on Feb 19 2002 08:55 AM PST   0 • 1