unheard by problems

I can't believe it's one of those days again.... second one this week I'm losing my strength I dont know why but I'm depressed again for no reason A little reason a little spark to flick me off and piss me off and throw me against the wall and hate me. not much not little not in between drowning in hate of what? from what? I sit on my bed and i drown in weakness pity of myself not for myself and I will not cry My insides have no feeling they've vanished none but one of frustration It's too repedative too much for me I don't know how to handle it nobody to run to and hide I'll just sit here and listen have my problems pass right by and sink right in with no reminants of anything on them but a large lake inside me where they lay and 2 days in one week they've sadly shown their faces they're blue toned, black-eyed faces in my room. I'm not ready for tomorrow I'm not ready for 10 o'clock I sit and wallow here eyes drooping unwashed hair same pyjamas last night with my warm flannel blankets and silence my best buddy until the phone rings and it's a boy then i need to wipe away uncried tears and tuck in unslept sleep we'll talk and I'll return to being my drowned out self I'm emotionally exhausted I just want to fall asleep have a vacuum down my throat and suck up all the black holes of wasted problems that will never be fixed. Written February 17th, 2002 © on Feb 17 2002 08:53 AM PST   18 • 0 • 1