'in dreams and broken places'

maybe if I hadn't always been so timid maybe if I had screamed and shouted thrown things around broken some windows I wouldn't be so tense easily injured stressed wound tight maybe if I had of yelled back at people glared and stared them in the eye told my own story hoisted my flag half mast and cired maybe if I hadn't lived in dreams and broken places took comfort within my mind hid in the corners running through the night returning empty and dislocated before anyone noticed I wasn't alive maybe if I had learned to say no loudly understood about self respect and assert my intentions recognised deception fought for my own right to live before it was too late before I shrivelled and got lost inside maybe if I hadn't reacted blindly running from empty places to desolate locations losing more of my self on the way taking in blunt incriminations believing dreams of better lives maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty so dark and horrified at my own history footsteps of misconception shadows of stolen innocence memories of each time I died maybe I should have tried harder to cut and stab the pain away lose myself in numbing concoctions kept falling not bothering to look or stop to stem the flow of wounds that bled the hate away fought against the dreams that lingered fingering at misplaced pride maybe the story had already been written and the ending will be the same no matter how hard I try how high I climb how many times I fall and die inside maybe I am never meant to fly Written April 20th, 2002 © on Apr 20 2002 03:46 PM PST    18 • 0 • 1