I Used to be Alive
By Shashama
I can barely stad I'm so tiredSo tired of everythingI just want to stop time so I can rest.I am so sick of everythingI look at the rope, with its unbreaking knotsIts so tempting, yet I cannotMusic, my life, alone keeps me going.There are so many things I've done wrongSo many things I've fucked upI just wanted to say sorryI have been horrible and selfishI stand, then turn, and watch the world slide pastAnother day, gone, ruinedWe are all slaves hereWe are all controlled by somethingThere is too much for me to carryToo much weight on my shouldersToo many cooks in the kitchenI used to be aliveI am a shell, a lifeless body.I have no soul to speak ofDo you under stand? Maybe you do.I was alive once.Once I loved and laughedOnce I cared and cried.You made me this way,Yet, maybe it was me.Look into my eyes.What do you see? A person?No, I am hollow, I am not complete.I am sure I lived at one point.Can you feel my heart?Is it beating against my chest?Does blood course through my veins? Probably.Am I alive? I don't think so. Written November 9th, 2001 © on Nov 09 2001 09:09 AM PST, Shayla Carter 18 • 0 • 10
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"I can barely stad I'm so tiredSo tired of everythingI just want to stop time so I can rest.I am so sick of everythingI look at the rope, with its unbreaking knotsIts so tempting, yet I cannotMusic, my life, alone keeps me going.There are so many things I've done wrongSo many things I've fucked upI just wanted to say sorryI have been horrible and selfishI stand, then turn, and watch the world slide pastAnother day, gone, ruinedWe are all slaves hereWe are all controlled by somethingThere is too much for me to carryToo much weight on my shouldersToo many cooks in the kitchenI used to be aliveI am a shell, a lifeless body.I have no soul to speak ofDo you under stand? Maybe you do.I was alive once.Once I loved and laughedOnce I cared and cried.You made me this way,Yet, maybe it was me.Look into my eyes.What do you see? A person?No, I am hollow, I am not complete.I am sure I lived at one point.Can you feel my heart?Is it beating against my chest?Does blood course through my veins? Probably.Am I alive? I don't think so...."