Until He Died

I always took for granted that he would be there that he would always be the one i knew did truly care i never thought i'd see the day i had to live without him he helped me (when i was drowning in tears) to learn how to swim he helped me through the worst that's happened in my life through all the hatred, fear doubt, pain and all the strife he was always my rock the one thing that was real i know he always understood exactly how i feel i still can't seem to accept it i can't get it through my head the fact that my best and dearest friend no longer lives, he's dead i can't handle this i want to scream please wake me up tell me this is a dream this can't be real i won't accept it tomorrow i'm gonna wake up and know none of this shit Tell me it never happened that it was all in my mind go along with that lie be ever so kind i don't want him to be gone i never got to say good bye it's not fair i want to curl up and die i want to go back to the way it used to be before his mom called and had to tell me That my dearest Matt no longer does live that he'd taken his own life b'cuz he had nothing left to give i wish i could tell him how much he means to me i wish i could know if he's finally happy i never knew how i leaned on him i never knew i needed him by my side oh god, i never knew i loved him until he diedDedicated to the one I will always love, my Matthew, my Gavin, My prince Jonathan, forever and ever. Love you darling. Love you more than life itself Written November 5th, 2000 © on Jan 30 2002 01:47 PM PST   18 • 0 • 1