My First Day of Yoga Class (Survivor Challenge 9)

I wake up bright and early Saturday morning with a massive headache and a terrible hangover First things First A glass of water and TYLENOL!!! With swollen eyes, I check the mirror only to discover that my bed head looks like I curled it with a spatula! Six attempts to fix it only end in failure and I notice my back side bears a strong resemblance to a huge rump roast!! As if anything could get worse my Great Aunt Bertha stops by to drop off her famous creamed corn cassarole UGH! She proceeds to tell me all about her belly button lint problem and uncle Ralph's hemorrhoids It's always a pleasure to visit with Aund Bertha (sarcasm) I manage to push her out of the door just in time to rush around and get ready for my first day of Yoga Class I walk in with my medussa-like pony tail and dressed in my homemade leotard which has Grandma's favorite button sewed on it and to my dismay everyone else is wearing wonder bras and thong underwear! The girl beside me has a major case of butt fuzz (lucky me) and I'm stuck behind some skank who forgot to wipe her doodie butt (Pe Eww) The whole place smells of unwashed armpit and the distinct odor of McDonalds greasy fries My stomach just can't handle this! Everyone starts milling around practicing their chop suey moves when some freak with elephant eyelashes and chicken lips walks in with a talking chihauhua (like the Taco Bell dog) and tells us all to be ready for our suprise instructor All the others seem to know who she is talking about but once again, I'm left in the dark and the dog keeps saying "Tu Queiro Taco Bell... ..........................Tu Queiro Taco Bell..." over and over again......(I could just shoot that damn dog) Finally, it's time for class Everyone is getting excited but I just want to get it over with (get me AWAY from these wackos!) and in walks our suprise instructor none other than Brad Pitt! I chastise myself for not taking more time this morning and curse Aunt Bertha for stopping by so I apply the only make up readily available my strawberry flavored chapstick Brad starts teaching the class (those biceps, those triceps, help me!) and the drool starts dripping from my mouth (damn these hormones) but I still manage to make googly eyes at him through the entire lesson and I swear he's looking back at me I think he even licked his lips once just for me.....(am I dreaming) Sadly, the class has to end but as I'm gathering my things Brad starts walking up to me with that killer smile and just as he approaches me I catch a wiff of Ms. Doodie Butt and this time my stomach does a somersault (uh oh!) Before I can stop it I blow cosmic chunks of last night's beer nuts all over Beautiful Brad Pitt! (Such is the story of my life) And that is the story of the FIRST and the ONLY restraining order Brad Pitt has filed against ANYONE (So I guess you can say, Brad knows me VERY intimately)Well, atleast I tried ;o) hehe Written April 7th, 2002 © on Apr 07 2002 08:20 AM PST   18 • 0 • 14