what is real?

so i wonder where is God in all of this Livin in craziness this world is a mess live or die we aint the ones to decide all the while we tryin to guess what is real how to deal we all just tryin to make sense why all this pain and agony again cant begin to explain the tragedies that stain the fabric of reality but in reality thats reality not novelty the world just keeps gettin colder these kids they got the world on their shoulders and they are broken when they get older if they even make it for the weights often too much time after time it happens too much it strikes too close to home my little bro, his friend hung himself a couple months ago so many lives wont come to pass and so many stories wont be told i wonder why it always stays the same and i wonder who to blame and God, i wonder why he allows all the lives this world claims i try to understand, but i am only a man only God knows why this life he lets to nullify all these dreams i just dont wanna believe that this is it that this is the way it will always be i think maybe things just aint what they seem but every day another life taken by the glock another dream another life snuffed and im pulled back in its another shock to my faith in the beauty of this place and it adds more hate to the hatred that i have for this face i see in the mirror what am i? please tell me Lord why am i here? a disgrace my momma, she tried so well i put her through hell im so sorry to her, not to myself but if i should die like so many others, why? will my memory survive, these words derived from my feelings inside my love, my angels, you told me i had this gift and i know you wouldnt lie so maybe God will work through this and in this verse my spirit lies and as i try to surmise, lookin back on my past, i wasnt built to last these problems surpassed my will to overcome but in the end, all i wanted was to make a dent in the surface of this world and in my search for truth, tell me mama, did i fail you? do i make you proud, i pray to God that i can make you proud but i dont see how, do you see me now? i wish that i could let you know somehow my angels, to you i always screamed so soft but you could hear it loud i love you with all my heart, but everything inside my mind, its tearing me apart its so hard, i try to make sense of all the madness Love, i dont know where to start, the question is why Bradd and Shane, God why did they hafta die? where are all the answers, if they're here i must be blind whats the difference between us we all just tryin to stay alive so why is there so much anger and hate, whys the human race always gotta be drawin lines this world is so beserk, i wonder how at all theres good at work but the truth is if you got love you should be fine but truth so rarely seems to come through in this life so it seems that it dont matter no matter how hard you may try i just wish i knew why, why things are like this it seems like everything is a lie i dont want to believe that things are like this tell your mama and you dad, loved ones and your friends how much you love them cuz you never know how long they're gonna be there and tomorrow you could die Written January 17th, 2002 © on Jan 17 2002 12:10 PM PST   18 • 0 • 10