Souls

Souls I have had four souls, And three yet still to come I remember two Vividly, with joy and at times regret Two also, are in my deepest past Lost except to dreams And mothers remembrance Another my every moment aches for One I fear, that it will be the longest And the last, although I know it must I shelter from, in bitterest denial Fruitless rejections fury. I do not remember, My first glimpse of light First word, first touch First taste of air or caress Of water, or mothers arm. But I was born, I had a soul Phantoms on the edge of my mind Little things I recollect. Being belted, whilst the class watched. My black beauty t-shirt, Swap Shop. And as years tumble on, still they elude me, My friends, my youth, scattered remnants But I grew, I had a soul I remember her face, My first love. Her bobbed blonde hair Her laughing eyes, pale, pale blue I fell into them when first I gazed I offered all, everything, anything She played at love, but it wasn’t real I loved, I cried, I lost a soul My life moved on, and death it met A friend, sixteen, her lungs collapsed Another, a little older, Died by his own hand, and Granda, Coughing up his lung. My Nan, She died soon after, she missed him I lost, and had a soul I did not want. I wait now, I have always waited For a soul to share To entwine, that they cannot be separated To touch lightly, to know all To give, without regret, without fear Without thought I have no soul, I wait. My eye grows long, and fixes on the years to come I see old age, with prejudice I admit I shake with terror. My mind. I cannot lose it. My dignity, age will rob it. I wonder where the aged find their strength To accept so serenely, what I will not I see that soul, but run from it. My final soul, I have asked since I could think Mans most answered and unanswered. I have had four souls, I may have two more But will that be enough To carry me to my seventh, where I will be at peace I do not know, if I have faith enough To glimpse even, my only soulI have posted this unedited, so if you have any suggestions, please feel free to say so. i guess i wonder sometimes if i am one person, or several different people, kinda evolving into each other. well, i guess thats what i wanna say. also, i might remove the whole of the first verse. it kinda drags a bit i think. Written January 28th, 2002 © on Jan 28 2002 07:30 AM PST   0 • 10