Dear...

Dear _______, I love you so much It hurts me to do this But I have to To make the pain go away It tears and rips at me At my heart My brain My being Everything about me is torn apart Dear _______ I love you so much Your smile your laugh The way your eyes glow when you look at me The way your hair falls upon your shoulders Your hands your finger your nails Your thoughts you ideas your beliefs You voice your cries your anger Your hate Everything about you is loveable by me No matter how ugly it may be I love you so much this hurts It hurts to talk Hurts to think Hurts to be Me Do you know what that feels like? Do you know what it feels like to hurt to be me? My whole existence is crap without you You are the rest of me You fill my hole You are the fucking filling! Do you know what that is like? To have a hole that needs to be filled but can’t be Because the filling left And won’t come back You can’t get a hold of your feelings You can’t be honest with how you feel You said you loved me Were you just dicking around? Fucking with me? My thoughts my feelings? Are they just a fucking game to you? I am a person You may not know that I have parents and past and hopefully a future A future with you would be the best, though I am a person and you can’t go around fucking with me Either come or go Make up your mind My feelings are not for you to toy with They control a large part of me The part that cares so much for you Even after you have hurt me so much You have torn and ripped and crushed and fucked with me so thoroughly I don’t recognize myself anymore I used to be fun I could laugh Smile Love… But now I am hate The definition of animosity I hate you But love you Do you know what that feels like? I don’t ever want to see you again You come you go Which one is final? Please finish this Don’t snuff me then call back later Stay or snuff One or another I never want to see you Never want to hear your voice You have fucked me up And you did a good job of it My heart is gone An empty cavern in my chest Not capable of feelings For anyone else Please leave me alone Don’t flaunt your perfect life You have fucked me up bitch Please go away I don’t need this shit right now I have enough problems without that You have caused them all But that isn’t enough for you You need to cause more Anguish suffering pain  misery agony torment All words to describe what I feel What you have made me feel You are a thief You have stolen my life And I love you Please come back Don’t leave me all aloneThis was written during a very angry period in my life (about 2 weeks ago...) and I know it seems very edgy and not complete, but it gets the idea across. I don't want to change my original meaning. Written September 3rd, 2001 © on Sep 17 2001 01:30 PM PST   18 • 0 • 1