Alone Again

I don't know why the gods declared     that I should be alone. Even in the midst of others,     I seem more on my own. My hard-fought independence,     that I so highly prize often becomes shrouded     by dark and cloudy skies. Jerry was my stay in life.     He joined me while he could, but he left me way before too long     as I always knew he would. You'd think I like this movie     since I've watched it many times; but the ending's still the same,     and all the players, mimes. They seem to have a pre-set role     and they all know how to play. They gather 'round me for a while,     and then... they go away... thus, I'm left feeling lonely     as I get my world on track... and I just wear that painted smile     while I fight for my way back. Sometimes, it gets so tempting     to hide, -- and I admit the sadness overwhelms me     'til I just want to quit. In retrospect, I ponder     if the love is worth the pain, but that's a foolish question --     I'll do it all again.                   mThe "Jerry" spoken of was my husband. He died 8 days short of our 9th wedding anniversary. Instincts told me from the very beginning that our days together were numbered, so I treasured each moment we had. Putting my life together again has been a struggle at times, but I think of all I'd have missed with him if I'd been afraid to try "one more time". Gibran's comparison of Joy and Sorrow said it best...but if there were no heartaches, it would indicate love's lack of importance. m Written December 17th, 2001 © on Dec 17 2001 04:03 AM PST   18 • 0 • 8