Damon v. Pythias

Two better friends you wouldn't pass     Throughout a summer's day,     Than DAMON and his PYTHIAS,     Two merchant princes they.     At school together they contrived     All sorts of boyish larks;     And, later on, together thrived     As merry merchants' clerks.     And then, when many years had flown,     They rose together till     They bought a business of their own     And they conduct it still.     They loved each other all their lives,     Dissent they never knew,     And, stranger still, their very wives     Were rather friendly too.     Perhaps you think, to serve my ends,     These statements I refute,     When I admit that these dear friends     Were parties to a suit?     But 'twas a friendly action, for     Good PYTHIAS, as you see,     Fought merely as executor,     And DAMON as trustee.     They laughed to think, as through the throng     Of suitors sad they passed,     That they, who'd lived and loved so long,     Should go to law at last.     The junior briefs they kindly let     Two sucking counsel hold;     These learned persons never yet     Had fingered suitors' gold.     But though the happy suitors two     Were friendly as could be,     Not so the junior counsel who     Were earning maiden fee.     They too, till then, were friends. At school     They'd done each other's sums,     And under Oxford's gentle rule     Had been the closest chums.     But now they met with scowl and grin     In every public place,     And often snapped their fingers in     Each other's learned face.     It almost ended in a fight     When they on path or stair     Met face to face. They made it quite     A personal affair.     And when at length the case was called     (It came on rather late),     Spectators really were appalled     To see their deadly hate.     One junior rose with eyeballs tense,     And swollen frontal veins:     To all his powers of eloquence     He gave the fullest reins.     His argument was novel for     A verdict he relied     On blackening the junior     Upon the other side.     "Oh," said the Judge, in robe and fur,     "The matter in dispute     To arbitration pray refer     This is a friendly suit."     And PYTHIAS, in merry mood,     Digged DAMON in the side;     And DAMON, tickled with the feud,     With other digs replied.     But oh! those deadly counsel twain,     Who were such friends before,     Were never reconciled again     They quarrelled more and more.     At length it happened that they met     On Alpine heights one day,     And thus they paid each one his debt,     Their fury had its way     They seized each other in a trice,     With scorn and hatred filled,     And, falling from a precipice,     They, both of them, were killed.