How Betsey And I Made Up.

GIVE us your hand, Mr. Lawyer: how do you do to-day?     "GIVE US YOUR HAND, MR. LAWYER: HOW DO YOU DO TO-DAY?"     You drew up that paper--I s'pose you want your pay.     Don't cut down your figures; make it an X or a V;     For that 'ere written agreement was just the makin' of me.     Goin' home that evenin' I tell you I was blue,     Thinkin' of all my troubles, and what I was goin' to do;     And if my hosses hadn't been the steadiest team alive,     They'd 've tipped me over, certain, for I couldn't see where to drive.     No--for I was laborin' under a heavy load;     No--for I was travelin' an entirely different road;     For I was a-tracin' over the path of our lives ag'in,     And seein' where we missed the way, and where we might have been.     And many a corner we'd turned that just to a quarrel led,     When I ought to 've held my temper, and driven straight ahead;     And the more I thought it over the more these memories came,     And the more I struck the opinion that I was the most to blame.     And things I had long forgotten kept risin' in my mind,     Of little matters betwixt us, where Betsey was good and kind;     And these things flashed all through me, as you know things     sometimes will     When a feller's alone in the darkness, and every thing is still.     "But," says I, "we're too far along to take another track,     And when I put my hand to the plow I do not oft turn back;     And 'tain't an uncommon thing now for couples to smash in two;"     And so I set my teeth together, and vowed I'd see it through.     When I come in sight o' the house 'twas some'at in the night,     And just as I turned a hill-top I see the kitchen light;     "AND JUST AS I TURNED A HILL-TOP I SEE THE KITCHEN LIGHT."     Which often a han'some pictur' to a hungry person makes,     But it don't interest a feller much that's goin' to pull up stakes.     And when I went in the house the table was set for me--     As good a supper's I ever saw, or ever want to see;     And I crammed the agreement down my pocket as well as I could,     And fell to eatin' my victuals, which somehow didn't taste good.     And Betsey, she pretended to look about the house,     But she watched my side coat pocket like a cat would watch a mouse:     And then she went to foolin' a little with her cup,     And intently readin' a newspaper, a-holdin' it wrong side up.     "AND INTENTLY READIN' A NEWSPAPER, A-HOLDIN' IT WRONG SIDE UP."     And when I'd done my supper I drawed the agreement out,     And give it to her without a word, for she knowed what 'twas about;     And then I hummed a little tune, but now and then a note     Was bu'sted by some animal that hopped up in my throat.     Then Betsey she got her specs from off the mantel-shelf,     And read the article over quite softly to herself;     Read it by little and little, for her eyes is gettin' old,     And lawyers' writin' ain't no print, especially when it's cold.     And after she'd read a little she give my arm a touch,     And kindly said she was afraid I was 'lowin' her too much;     But when she was through she went for me, her face a-streamin' with tears,     And kissed me for the first time in over twenty years!     "AND KISSED ME FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER TWENTY YEARS!"     I don't know what you'll think, Sir--I didn't come to inquire--     But I picked up that agreement and stuffed it in the fire;     And I told her we'd bury the hatchet alongside of the cow;     And we struck an agreement never to have another row.     And I told her in the future I wouldn't speak cross or rash     If half the crockery in the house was broken all to smash;     And she said, in regards to heaven, we'd try and learn its worth     By startin' a branch establishment and runnin' it here on earth.     And so we sat a-talkin' three-quarters of the night,     And opened our hearts to each other until they both grew light;     And the days when I was winnin' her away from so many men     Was nothin' to that evenin' I courted her over again.     Next mornin' an ancient virgin took pains to call on us,     Her lamp all trimmed and a-burnin' to kindle another fuss;     But when she went to pryin' and openin' of old sores,     My Betsey rose politely, and showed her out-of-doors.     "MY BETSEY ROSE POLITELY, AND SHOWED HER OUT-OF-DOORS."     Since then I don't deny but there's been a word or two;     But we've got our eyes wide open, and know just what to do:     When one speaks cross the other just meets it with a laugh,     And the first one's ready to give up considerable more than half.     Maybe you'll think me soft, Sir, a-talkin' in this style,     But somehow it does me lots of good to tell it once in a while;     And I do it for a compliment--'tis so that you can see     That that there written agreement of yours was just the makin' of me.     So make out your bill, Mr. Lawyer: don't stop short of an X;     Make it more if you want to, for I have got the checks.     I'm richer than a National Bank, with all its treasures told,     For I've got a wife at home now that's worth her weight in gold.