Jabed Meeker, Humorist

Twain? Oh, yes, Ive heard Mark Twain     Heard him down to Pleasant Plain;     Funny? Yes, I guess so. Folks     Seemed to laugh loud at his jokes,     Laughed to beat the band; but I     Couldnt rightly make out why.     Guess his humor aint refined.     Quite enough to suit my mind.     Marks all right, right clever speaker,     But he cant touch Jabed Meeker;     And one thing that makes it queer     Is that Jabed lives right here.     You aint met him? Son, youve missed     The most funniest humorist     Ive met with in my born days,     Funniest talker, anyways,     When it comes to repartee,     Thats the humor catches me!     Like a specimen? Huh! Well,     Take, for instance, his umbrell;     Wouldnt think, until he spoke,     He could turn that to a joke;     Mark Twain couldnt, bet you that!     Thats where Meeker beats Mark flat!     Just imagine three or four     Fellers in Jim Beemers store,     Long comes Meeker, and some feller     Says, See Meekers bum umbreller.     Quick as lightning Meeker d yell:     Dont you guy my bumberell!     Wheres the feller dares to hoot     At this sping-spang bumbershoot?     Show me some one dares to call     Bad names at my bumbersoll!     Right like that! Right off the reel!     Say, youd ought to heard us squeal!     Then, before wed got our breath,     Meeker, solemn sad as death,     Says: Stand up there gainst that wall,     Para-bumber-shooter-soll!     Twain? All right! But just give me     Some one slick at repartee!