La Scala Santa

Robusti sono i fatti.     - Discorso del Terremoto,     del S. Alessandro Sardo.     Venetia, A.D. 1586.     In San Gianni Lateran,     Deyve cot a flight of shdairs,     More woonderful ash nefer vas,     As Latin pooks declares.     For you kits your sins forgifen,     If you glimes dem knee py knee;     Its such a gitten up a stairs,     I nefer yet did see.     Now as Breitmann vas a vaitin     Among some demi reps,     Ascensionem expectans,     To see dem glime de steps,     Dere came a sinful scoffer,     Who his mind had firmly set     To go dem holy sdairs afoot,     Und do it on a bet!     Boot shoost as he vas startet,     To make dis sassy go,     Der Breitmann caught him py de neck,     Und tripped him off his toe!     Und den dere come de skience,     A la prenez gardez vous;     For he bung his eye and bust his shell,     Und shplit his noshe in dwo.     De briests vere so astonish,     To see him lam de man,     Dat dey shvore a holy miracle     Vas vork by Breitemann.     Says Breitmann, Im a heretic,     But dis you may pe bound,     No chap shall mock relishious dings     Vhile Im a bummin round.     Und you owes me really noding,     For as Ill plainly show,     At last Ive found out someding     Vot I alfays vant to know.     Und now dat I have found it,     In de newspapers Ill brag:     Evviva! Ho trovato,     Vot means a Scala-Wag.