MaurinePart IV.

"Maurine, Maurine! 'tis ten o'clock! arise,     My pretty sluggard! open those dark eyes,     And see where yonder sun is! Do you know     I made my toilet just four hours ago?"     'T was Helen's voice: and Helen's gentle kiss     Fell on my cheek. As from a deep abyss,     I drew my weary self from that strange sleep     That rests not, nor refreshes. Scarce awake     Or conscious, yet there seemed a heavy weight     Bound on my breast, as by a cruel Fate.     I knew not why, and yet I longed to weep.     Some dark cloud seemed to hang upon the day;     And, for a moment, in that trance I lay,     When suddenly the truth did o'er me break,     Like some great wave upon a helpless child.     The dull pain in my breast grew like a knife -     The heavy throbbing of my heart grew wild,     And God gave back the burden of the life     He kept what time I slumbered.              "You are ill,"     Cried Helen, "with that blinding headache still!     You look so pale and weary. Now let me     Play nurse, Maurine, and care for you to-day!     And first I'll suit some dainty to your taste,     And bring it to you, with a cup of tea."     And off she ran, not waiting my reply.     But, wanting most the sunshine and the light,     I left my couch, and clothed myself in haste,     And, kneeling, sent to God an earnest cry     For help and guidance.              "Show Thou me the way,     Where duty leads; for I am blind! my sight     Obscured by self. Oh, lead my steps aright!     Help me see the path: and if it may,     Let this cup pass: - and yet Thou heavenly One     Thy will in all things, not mine own, be done."     Rising, I went upon my way, receiving     The strength prayer gives alway to hearts believing.     I felt that unseen hands were leading me,     And knew the end was peace.              "What! are you up?"     Cried Helen, coming with a tray, and cup,     Of tender toast, and fragrant smoking tea.     "You naughty girl! you should have stayed in bed     Until you ate your breakfast, and were better     I've something hidden for you here - a letter.     But drink your tea before you read it, dear!     'Tis from some distant cousin, Auntie said,     And so you need not hurry. Now be good,     And mind your Helen."             So, in passive mood,     I laid the still unopened letter near,     And loitered at my breakfast more to please     My nurse, than any hunger to appease.     Then listlessly I broke the seal and read     The few lines written in a bold free hand:     "New London, Canada. Dear Coz. Maurine!     (In spite of generations stretched between     Our natural right to that most handy claim     Of cousinship, we'll use it all the same)     I'm coming to see you! honestly, in truth!     I've threatened often - now I mean to act.     You'll find my coming is a stubborn fact.     Keep quiet though, and do not tell Aunt Ruth     I wonder if she'll know her petted boy     In spite of changes. Look for me until     You see me coming. As of old I'm still     Your faithful friend, and loving cousin, Roy."     So Roy was coming! He and I had played     As boy and girl, and later, youth and maid,     Full half our lives together. He had been,     Like me, an orphan; and the roof of kin     Gave both kind shelter. Swift years sped away     Ere change was felt: and then one summer day     A long lost uncle sailed from India's shore -     Made Roy his heir, and he was ours no more.     "He'd write us daily, and we'd see his face     Once every year." Such was his promise given     The morn he left. But now the years were seven     Since last he looked upon the olden place.     He'd been through college, traveled in all lands,     Sailed over seas, and trod the desert sands.     Would write and plan a visit, then, ere long,     Would write again from Egypt or Hong Kong -     Some fancy called him thither unforeseen.     So years had passed, till seven lay between     His going and the coming of this note,     Which I hid in my bosom, and replied     To Aunt Ruth's queries, "What the truant wrote?"     By saying he was still upon the wing,     And merely dropped a line, while journeying,     To say he lived: and she was satisfied.     Sometimes it happens, in this world so strange,     A human heart will pass through mortal strife,     And writhe in torture: while the old sweet life     So full of hope, and beauty, bloom and grace,     Is slowly strangled by remorseless Pain:     And one stern, cold, relentless, takes its place -     A ghastly, pallid specter of the slain.     Yet those in daily converse see no change     Nor dream the heart has suffered.              So that day     I passed along toward the troubled way     Stern duty pointed, and no mortal guessed     A mighty conflict had disturbed my breast.     I had resolved to yield up to my friend     The man I loved. Since she, too, loved him so     I saw no other way in honor left.     She was so weak and fragile, once bereft     Of this great hope, that held her with such power     She would wilt down, like some frost-bitten flower     And swift untimely death would be the end.     But I was strong: and hardy plants, which grow     In out-door soil, can bear bleak winds that blow     From Arctic lands, whereof a single breath     Would lay the hot-house blossom low in death.     The hours went by, too slow, and yet too fast.     All day I argued with my foolish heart     That bade me play the shrinking coward's part     And hide from pain. And when the day had past     And time for Vivian's call drew near and nearer,     It pleaded. "Wait, until the way seems clearer:     Say you are ill - or busy: keep away     Until you gather strength enough to play     The part you have resolved on."              "Nay, not so,"     Made answer clear-eyed Reason, "Do you go     And put your resolution to the test.     Resolve, however nobly formed, at best     Is but a still born babe of Thought, until     It proves existence of its life and will     By sound or action."              So when Helen came     And knelt by me, her fair face all aflame     With sudden blushes, whispering, "My sweet!     My heart can hear the music of his feet -     Go down with me to meet him," I arose,     And went with her all calmly, as one goes     To look upon the dear face of the dead.     That eve, I know not what I did or said.     I was not cold - my manner was not strange:     Perchance I talked more freely than my wont,     But in my speech was naught could give affront;     Yet I conveyed, as only woman can,     That nameless something, which bespeaks a change.     'Tis in the power of woman, if she be     Whole-souled and noble, free from coquetry -     Her motives all unselfish, worthy, good,     To make herself and feelings understood     By nameless acts - thus sparing what to man,     However gently answered, causes pain,     The offering of his hand and heart in vain.     She can be friendly, unrestrained, and kind,     Assume no airs of pride or arrogance;     But in her voice, her manner, and her glance,     Convey that mystic something, undefined,     Which men fail not to understand and read,     And, when not blind with egoism, heed.     My task was harder. 'T was the slow undoing     Of long sweet months of unimpeded wooing.     It was to hide and cover and conceal     The truth - assuming, what I did not feel.     It was to dam love's happy singing tide     That blessed me with its hopeful, tuneful tone,     By feigned indiff'rence, till it turned aside,     And changed its channel, leaving me alone     To walk parched plains, and thirst for that sweet draught     My lips had tasted, but another quaffed.     It could be done. For no words yet were spoken -     None to recall - no pledges to be broken.     "He will be grieved, then angry, cold, then cross,"     I reasoned, thinking what would be his part     In this strange drama. "Then, because his he     Feels something lacking, to make good his loss,     He'll turn to Helen: and her gentle grace     And loving acts will win her soon the place     I hold to-day: and like a troubled dream     At length, our past, when he looks back, will seem."     That evening passed with music, chat and song:     But hours that once had flown on airy wings     Now limped on weary, aching limbs along,     Each moment like some dreaded step that brings     A twinge of pain.         As Vivian rose to go,     Slow bending to me, from his greater height,     He took my hand, and, looking in my eyes,     With tender questioning and pained surprise,     Said, "Maurine, you are not yourself to-night!     What is it? Are you ailing?"              "Ailing? no,"     I answered, laughing lightly, "I am not:     Just see my cheek, sir! is it thin, or pale?     Now tell me, am I looking very frail?"     "Nay, nay!" he answered, "it can not be seen,     The change I speak of - 'twas more in your mien:     Preoccupation, or - I know not what!     Miss Helen, am I wrong, or does Maurine     Seem to have something on her mind this eve?"     "She does!" laughed Helen, "and I do believe     I know what 'tis! A letter came to-day     Which she read slyly, and then hid away     Close to her heart, not knowing I was near:     And since she's been as you have seen her here.     See how she blushes! so my random shot     We must believe has struck a tender spot."     Her rippling laughter floated through the room,     And redder yet I felt the hot blood rise,     Then surge away to leave me pale as death,     Under the dark and swiftly gathering gloom     Of Vivian's questioning, accusing eyes,     That searched my soul. I almost shrieked beneath     That stern, fixed gaze; and stood spellbound until     He turned with sudden movement, gave his hand     To each in turn, and said, "You must not stand     Longer, young ladies, in this open door.     The air is heavy with a cold damp chill.     We shall have rain to-morrow, or before.     Good night."              He vanished in the darkling shade;     And so the dreaded evening found an end,     That saw me grasp the conscience-whetted blade,     And strike a blow for honor and for friend.     "How swiftly passed the evening!" Helen sighed.     "How long the hours!" my tortured heart replied.     Joy, like a child, with lightsome steps doth glide     By Father Time, and, looking in his face,     Cries, snatching blossoms from the fair road-side,     "I could pluck more, but for thy hurried pace."     The while her elder brother Pain, man grown,     Whose feet are hurt by many a thorn and stone,     Looks to some distant hill-top, high and calm,     Where he shall find not only rest, but balm     For all his wounds, and cries in tones of woe,     "O Father Time! why is thy pace so slow?"     Two days, all sad with lonely wind and rain,     Went sobbing by, repeating o'er and o'er     The miserere, desolate and drear,     Which every human heart must sometime hear.     Pain is but little varied. Its refrain,     Whate'er the words are, is for aye the same.     The third day brought a change: for with it came     Not only sunny smiles to Nature's face,     But Roy, our Roy came back to us. Once more     We looked into his laughing, handsome eyes,     Which, while they gave Aunt Ruth a glad surprise     In no way puzzled her: for one glance told     What each succeeding one confirmed, that he     Who bent above her with the lissome grace     Of his fine form, though grown so tall, could be     No other than the Roy Montaine of old.     It was a sweet reunion: and he brought     So much of sunshine with him, that I caught,     Just from his smile alone, enough of gladness     To make my heart forget a time its sadness.     We talked together of the dear old days:     Leaving the present, with its depths and heights     Of life's maturer sorrows and delights,     I turned back to my childhood's level land,     And Roy and I, dear playmates, hand in hand,     Wandered in mem'ry, through the olden ways.     It was the second evening of his coming.     Helen was playing dreamily, and humming     Some wordless melody of white-souled thought,     While Roy and I sat by the open door,     Re-living childish incidents of yore.     My eyes were glowing, and my cheeks were hot     With warm young blood; excitement, joy, or pain     Alike would send swift coursing through each vein.     Roy, always eloquent, was waxing fine,     And bringing vividly before my gaze     Some old adventure of those halcyon days,     When suddenly in pauses of the talk,     I heard a well-known step upon the walk,     And looked up quickly to meet full in mine     The eyes of Vivian Dangerfield. A flash     Shot from their depths: - a sudden blaze of light     Like that swift followed by the thunder's crash,     Which said, "Suspicion is confirmed by sight,"     As they fell on the pleasant door-way scene.     Then o'er his clear-cut face, a cold white look     Crept, like the pallid moonlight o'er a brook,     And, with a slight, proud bending of the head,     He stepped toward us haughtily and said,     "Please pardon my intrusion, Miss Maurine:     I called to ask Miss Trevor for a book     She spoke of lending me: nay, sit you still!     And I, by grant of your permission, will     Pass by to where I hear her playing."              "Stay!"     I said, "one moment, Vivian, if you please;"     And suddenly bereft of all my ease,     And scarcely knowing what to do, or say,     Confused as any school-girl, I arose,     And some way made each to the other known     They bowed, shook hands: then Vivian turned away     And sought out Helen, leaving us alone.     "One of Miss Trevor's, or of Maurine's beaux?     Which may he be, who cometh like a prince     With haughty bearing, and an eagle eye?"     Roy queried, laughing: and I answered, "Since     You saw him pass me for Miss Trevor's side,     I leave your own good judgment to reply."     And straightway caused the tide of talk to glide     In other channels, striving to dispel     The sudden gloom that o'er my spirit fell.     We mortals are such hypocrites at best!     When Conscience tries our courage with a test,     And points to some steep pathway, we set out     Boldly, denying any fear or doubt;     But pause before the first rock in the way,     And, looking back, with tears, at Conscience, say     "We are so sad, dear Conscience! for we would     Most gladly do what to thee seemeth good;     But lo! this rock! we cannot climb it, so     Thou must point out some other way to go."     Yet secretly we are rejoicing: and,     When right before our faces, as we stand     In seeming grief, the rock is cleft in twain,     Leaving the pathway clear, we shrink in pain!     And loth to go, by every act reveal     What we so tried from Conscience to conceal.     I saw that hour, the way made plain, to do     With scarce an effort, what had seemed a strife     That would require the strength of my whole life.     Women have quick perceptions: and I knew     That Vivian's heart was full of jealous pain,     Suspecting - nay believing Roy Montaine     To be my lover. - First my altered mien -     And next the letter - then the door-way scene -     My flushed face gazing in the one above     That bent so near me, and my strange confusion     When Vivian came, all led to one conclusion:     That I had but been playing with his love,     As women sometimes cruelly do play     With hearts when their true lovers are away.     There could be nothing easier, than just     To let him linger on in this belief     Till hourly-fed Suspicion and Distrust     Should turn to scorn and anger all his grief.     Compared with me, so doubly sweet and pure     Would Helen seem, my purpose would be sure,     And certain of completion in the end.     But now, the way was made so straight and clear,     My coward heart shrank back in guilty fear,     Till Conscience whispered with her "still small voice,"     "The precious time is passing - make thy choice -     Resign thy love, or slay thy trusting friend."     The growing moon, watched by the myriad eyes     Of countless stars, went sailing through the skies,     Like some young prince, rising to rule a nation,     To whom all eyes are turned in expectation.     A woman who possesses tact and art     And strength of will can take the hand of doom,     And walk on, smiling sweetly as she goes,     With rosy lips, and rounded cheeks of bloom,     Cheating a loud-tongued world that never knows     The pain and sorrow of her hidden heart.     And so I joined in Roy's bright changing chat;     Answered his sallies - talked of this and that,     My brow unruffled as the calm still wave     That tells not of the wrecked ship, and the grave     Beneath its surface.              Then we heard, ere long,     The sound of Helen's gentle voice in song,     And, rising, entered where the subtle power     Of Vivian's eyes, forgiving while accusing,     Finding me weak, had won me, in that hour;     But Roy, alway polite and debonair     Where ladies were, now hung about my chair     With nameless delicate attentions, using     That air devotional, and those small arts     Acquaintance with society imparts     To men gallant by nature.              'T was my sex     And not myself he bowed to. Had my place     Been filled that evening by a dowager,     Twice his own age, he would have given her     The same attentions. But they served to vex     Whatever hope in Vivian's heart remained.     The cold, white look crept back upon his face,     Which told how deeply he was hurt and pained.     Little by little all things had conspired,     To bring events I dreaded, yet desired.     We were in constant intercourse: walks, rides,     Picnics and sails, filled weeks of golden weather,     And almost hourly we were thrown together.     No words were spoken of rebuke or scorn:     Good friends we seemed. But as a gulf divides     This land and that, though lying side by side,     So rolled a gulf between us - deep and wide -     The gulf of doubt, which widened slowly morn     And noon and night.              Free and informal were     These picnics and excursions. Yet, although     Helen and I would sometimes choose to go     Without our escorts, leaving them quite free.     It happened alway Roy would seek out me     Ere passed the day, while Vivian walked with her.     I had no thought of flirting. Roy was just     Like some dear brother, and I quite forgot     The kinship was so distant it was not     Safe to rely upon in perfect trust,     Without reserve or caution. Many a time     When there was some steep mountain side to climb,     And I grew weary, he would say, "Maurine,     Come rest you here." And I would go and lean     My head upon his shoulder, or would stand     And let him hold in his my willing hand.     The while he stroked it gently with his own.     Or I would let him clasp me with his arm,     Nor entertained a thought of any harm,     Nor once supposed but Vivian was alone     In his suspicions. But ere long the truth     I learned in consternation! both Aunt Ruth     And Helen, honestly, in faith believed     That Roy and I were lovers.              Undeceived,     Some careless words might open Vivian's eyes     And spoil my plans. So reasoning in this wise,     To all their sallies I in jest replied,     To naught assented, and yet naught denied,     With Roy unchanged remaining, confident     Each understood just what the other meant.     If I grew weary of this double part,     And self-imposed deception caused my heart     Sometimes to shrink, I needed but to gaze     On Helen's face: that wore a look ethereal,     As if she dwelt above the things material     And held communion with the angels. So     I fed my strength and courage through the days.     What time the harvest moon rose full and clear     And cast its ling'ring radiance on the earth,     We made a feast; and called from far and near,     Our friends, who came to share the scene of mirth.     Fair forms and faces flitted to and fro;     But none more sweet than Helen's. Robed in white,     She floated like a vision through the dance.     So frailly fragile and so phantom fair,     She seemed like some stray spirit of the air,     And was pursued by many an anxious glance     That looked to see her fading from the sight     Like figures that a dreamer sees at night.     And noble men and gallants graced the scene:     Yet none more noble or more grand of mien     Than Vivian - broad of chest and shoulder, tall     And finely formed, as any Grecian god     Whose high-arched foot on Mount Olympus trod.     His clear-cut face was beardless; and, like those     Same Grecian statues, when in calm repose,     Was it in hue and feature. Framed in hair     Dark and abundant; lighted by large eyes     That could be cold as steel in winter air,     Or warm and sunny as Italian skies.     Weary of mirth and music, and the sound     Of tripping feet, I sought a moment's rest     Within the lib'ry, where a group I found     Of guests, discussing with apparent zest     Some theme of interest - Vivian, near the while,     Leaning and listening with his slow odd smile.     "Now Miss La Pelle, we will appeal to you,"     Cried young Guy Semple, as I entered. "We     Have been discussing right before his face,     All unrebuked by him, as you may see,     A poem lately published by our friend:     And we are quite divided. I contend     The poem is a libel and untrue     I hold the fickle women are but few,     Compared with those who are like yon fair moon     That, ever faithful, rises in her place     Whether she's greeted by the flowers of June,     Or cold and dreary stretches of white space."     "Oh!" cried another, "Mr. Dangerfield,     Look to your laurels! or you needs must yield     The crown to Semple, who, 'tis very plain,     Has mounted Pegasus and grasped his mane."     All laughed: and then, as Guy appealed to me     I answered lightly, "My young friend, I fear     You chose a most unlucky simile     To prove the truth of woman. To her place     The moon does rise - but with a different face     Each time she comes. But now I needs must hear     The poem read, before I can consent     To pass my judgment on the sentiment."     All clamored that the author was the man     To read the poem: and, with tones that said     More than the cutting, scornful words he read,     Taking the book Guy gave him, he began:         Her Love.         The sands upon the ocean side         That change about with every tide,         And never true to one abide,             A woman's love I liken to.         The summer zephyrs, light and vain,         That sing the same alluring strain         To every grass blade on the plain -             A woman's love is nothing more.         The sunshine of an April day         That comes to warm you with its ray,         But while you smile has flown away -             A woman's love is like to this.         God made poor woman with no heart,         But gave her skill, and tact, and art,         And so she lives, and plays her part.             We must not blame, but pity her.         She leans to man - but just to hear         The praise he whispers in her ear,         Herself, not him, she holdeth dear -             O fool! to be deceived by her.         To sate her selfish thirst she quaffs         The love of strong hearts in sweet draughts         Then throws them lightly by and laughs,             Too weak to understand their pain.         As changeful as the winds that blow         From every region, to and fro,         Devoid of heart, she cannot know             The suffering of a human heart.     I knew the cold, fixed gaze of Vivian's eyes     Saw the slow color to my forehead rise;     But lightly answered, toying with my fan,     "That sentiment is very like a man!     Men call us fickle, but they do us wrong;     We're only frail and helpless, men are strong;     And when love dies, they take the poor dead thing     And make a shroud out of their suffering,     And drag the corpse about with them for years.     But we? - we mourn it for a day with tears!     And then we robe it for its last long rest,     And being women, feeble things at best,     We cannot dig the grave ourselves. And so     We call strong-limbed New Love to lay it low:     Immortal sexton he! whom Venus sends     To do this service for her earthly friends,     The trusty fellow digs the grave so deep     Nothing disturbs the dead laid there to sleep."     The laugh that followed had not died away     Ere Roy Montaine came seeking me, to say     The band was tuning for our waltz, and so     Back to the ball-room bore me. In the glow     And heat and whirl, my strength ere long was spent,     And I grew faint and dizzy, and we went     Out on the cool moonlighted portico,     And, sitting there, Roy drew my languid head     Upon the shelter of his breast, and bent     His smiling eyes upon me, as he said,     "I'll try the mesmerism of my touch     To work a cure: be very quiet now,     And let me make some passes o'er your brow.     Why, how it throbs! you've exercised too much!     I shall not let you dance again to-night."     Just then before us, in the broad moonlight,     Two forms were mirrored: and I turned my face     To catch the teasing and mischievous glance     Of Helen's eyes, as, heated by the dance,     Leaning on Vivian's arm, she sought this place.     "I beg your pardon," came in that round tone     Of his low voice. "I think we do intrude."     Bowing, they turned, and left us quite alone     Ere I could speak, or change my attitude.