The Husband-Confessor

WHEN Francis (named the first) o'er Frenchmen reign'd,     In Italy young Arthur laurels gained,     And oft such daring valour showed in fight,     With ev'ry honour he was made a knight;     The monarch placed the spur upon his heel,     That all around his proper worth might feel.     Then household deities at home he sought,     Where - not at prayers his beauteous dame he caught:     He'd left her, truly, quite dissolv'd in tears;     But now the belle had bid adieu to fears;     And oft was dancing joyously around,     With all the company that could be found.     GALLANTS in crowds Sir Arthur soon perceived;     At sight of these the knight was sorely grieved;     And, turning in his mind how best to act;     Cried he, Can this be truly held a fact,     That I've been worthy while I'd fame in view,     Of cuckoldom at home, and knighthood too?     It ought to be but half: - the truth let's know;     From constancy the purest blessings flow.     Then like a father-confessor he dressed,     And took his seat where priests their flock confessed.     His lady absolution sought that day,     And on her knees before him 'gan to pray;     The minor sins were told with downcast eyes,     And then for hearing those of larger size,     The husband-confessor prepared his ears: -     Said she, Good father, ('mid a flood of tears),     My bed receives, (the fault I fear's not slight,)     A gentleman, a parson, and a knight.     Still more had followed, but, by rage o'ercome,     Sir Arthur cut the thread, and she was mum;     Though, doubtless, had the fair been let proceed,     Quite long her Litany had been decreed.     THe husband, in a rage, exclaimed, thou jade,     A parson, say'st thou? t'whom dost think thou'st made     This curst confession? - To my spouse, cried she,     I saw you enter here, and came with glee,     Supposing you'd a trick to raise surprise;     Howe'er 'tis strange that one so very wise,     The riddle should not fully comprehend: -     A KNIGHT, the king created you, my friend;     A GENTLEMAN, your rank was long ago;     A PARSON, you have made yourself you know.     Goon heav'ns! exclaimed the knight, 'tis very clear,     And I a blockhead surely must appear.