The Spinning-House of the Future

"Cada puta hile."--Don Quixote, i. 46.         Without my dinner here I lie,                     And all because that proctor         With her stout bull-dogs passed, and I                                             Mocked her.         For Clara is at Girton too,                     That dragon is her tutor,         I threatened once what I would do,                                             Shoot her.         Her life by Clara's tears was saved,                     Wherefore she doth detest me,         And hither hungry and unshaved                                             Pressed me.         I would that I could have commenced                     An action 'gainst that devil,         Like that once brought by Kemp against                                             Neville.[H]         To her I owe the statute framed                     That one against it sinning         Should dwell within the house that's named                                             Spinning.         Ah me! it runs in sections three:                     Who speaks to Girton student         Is fined to teach him how to be                                             Prudent.         Who loves a Girton girl must do                     Twelve months on bread and water,         From a digestive point of view                                             Slaughter.         Who kisses her commits a crime                     By hanging expiated,         And she in tears must spend her time                                             Gated.         Would that at Oxford I had been,                     At Balliol or at Merton,         And then I never should have seen                                             Girton.         Go down I must, no more shall I                     And Clara cross the same bridge;         Still, Granta, art thou her and my                                             Cambridge.         Some day on this her eyes may light,                     This doggerel stiff and jointless,         And she may own it is not quite                                             Pointless.