The Tearful Tale Of Captain Dan

A sinner was old Captain Dan;     His wives guv him no rest:     He had one wife to East Skiddaw     And one to Skiddaw West.     Now Ann Eliza was the name     Of her at East Skiddaw;     She was the most cantankerous     Female you ever saw.     I dont know but one crosser-grained,     And of this Captain Dan     She was the wife at Skiddaw West,     She was Eliza Ann.     Well, this old skeesicks, Captain Dan,     He owned a ferryboat;     From East Skiddaw to Skiddaw West     That vessel used to float.     She was as trim a ferry-craft     As ever I did see,     And on each end a pinted bow     And pilothouse had she.     She had two bows that way, so when     She went acrost the sound     She could, to oncet, run back agin     Without a-turnin round.     Now Captain Dan he sailed that boat     For nigh on twenty year     Acrost that sound and back agin,     Like I have stated here.     And never oncet in all them years     Had Ann Eliza guessed     That Dan he had another wife     So nigh as Skiddaw West.     Likewise, Eliza Ann was blind,     Howas she never saw     As Dan he had another wife     Acrost to East Skiddaw.     The way he fooled them female wives     Was by a simple plan     That come into the artful brain     Of that there Captain Dan.     With paint upon that ferry-craft,     In letters plain to see,     Upon the bow, to wit, both ends,     Her name he painted she.     Upon the bow toward East Skiddaw     This sinful Captain Dan     He painted just one single word,     The same which it was Ann;     And on the bow toward Skiddaw West     He likewise put one name,     And not no more; and I will state     Eliza was that same.     Thus, when she berthed to Skiddaw West     Eliza Ann could see     How Dan for love and gratitood     Had named her after she;     And likewise when to East Skiddaw     That boat bow-foremost came,     His Ann Eliza plain could see     The vessel bore her name.     Thuswise for nigh on twenty year,     As I remarked before     Dan cumfuscated them two wives     And sailed from shore to shore.     I reckon he might, to this day,     Have kept his sinful ways     And fooled them trustin female wives,     Except there come a haze:     It was a thick November haze     Accompanied by frost,     And Dan, in steerin crost the sound,     He got his bearins lost.     So Dan he cast his anchor out,     And anchored on the sound;     And when the haze riz some next day,     His boat had swung clean round.     So, not bethinkin how it was,     Dan steered for Skiddaw West;     For he had sot up all that night,     And shorely needed rest.     Well, when into his ferry-slip     His ferry-craft he ran,     Upon the shore he seen his wife:     To wit, Eliza Ann.     Says he, Ill tie this vessel up     And rest about a week;     I need a rest, and t was just then     He heard an awful shriek.     O Villyun! shrieked Eliza Ann.     Oh! What, what do I see?     You dont not love me any more!     Youve done deserted me!     She pointed to that ferry-craft     With one wild, vicious stare.     Dan looked and seen the telltale name     Of Ann a-painted there!     What could he do? He done his best!     Lost! Lost! Alas! he cried;     And, kicking off his rubber boots,     Jumped overboard, and died!