The Two Little Skeezucks

There were two little skeezucks who lived in the isle     Of Boo in a southern sea;     They clambered and rollicked in heathenish style     In the boughs of their cocoanut tree.     They didn't fret much about clothing and such     And they recked not a whit of the ills     That sometimes accrue     From having to do     With tailor and laundry bills.     The two little skeezucks once heard of a Fair     Far off from their native isle,     And they asked of King Fan if they mightn't go there     To take in the sights for awhile.     Now old King Fan     Was a good-natured man     (As good-natured monarchs go),     And howbeit he swore that all Fairs were a bore,     He hadn't the heart to say "No."     So the two little skeezucks sailed off to the Fair     In a great big gum canoe,     And I fancy they had a good time there,     For they tarried a year or two.     And old King Fan at last began     To reckon they'd come to grief,     When glory! one day     They sailed into the bay     To the tune of "Hail to the Chief!"     The two little skeezucks fell down on the sand,     Embracing his majesty's toes,     Till his majesty graciously bade them stand     And salute him nose to nose.     And then quoth he:     "Divulge unto me     What happenings have hapt to you;     And how did they dare to indulge in a Fair     So far from the island of Boo?"     The two little skeezucks assured their king     That what he surmised was true;     That the Fair would have been a different thing     Had it only been held in Boo!     "The folk over there in no wise compare     With the folk of the southern seas;     Why, they comb out their heads     And they sleep in beds     Instead of in caverns and trees!"     The two little skeezucks went on to say     That children (so far as they knew)     Had a much harder time in that land far away     Than here in the island of Boo!     They have to wear clo'es     Which (as every one knows)     Are irksome to primitive laddies,     While, with forks and with spoons, they're denied the sweet boons     That accrue from free use of one's paddies!     "And now that you're speaking of things to eat,"     Interrupted the monarch of Boo,     "We beg to inquire if you happened to meet     With a nice missionary or two?"     "No, that we did not; in that curious spot     Where were gathered the fruits of the earth,     Of that special kind     Which Your Nibs has in mind     There appeared a deplorable dearth!"     Then loud laughed that monarch in heathenish mirth     And loud laughed his courtiers, too,     And they cried: "There is elsewhere no land upon earth     So good as our island of Boo!"     And the skeezucks, tho' glad     Of the journey they'd had,     Climbed up in their cocoanut trees,     Where they still may be seen with no shirts to keep clean     Or trousers that bag at the knees.