To Mr. Dan Leno

(On his Appearance at Sandringham)         Dear Mr. Dan Leno, -         This has been a great week         For Art -         One of the biggest weeks in fact         On record.         For at the beginning of the week, my dear Mr. Leno,         You were a mere popular entertainer,         Whereas at the present moment         You are a proud and 'appy man,         And in a position to walk about the Strand         With a diamond E         Scintillating in your cravat.         The thing that was anticipated         By the intelligent paragraphists,         My dear Mr. Leno,         Has come to pass.         His Britannic Majesty         King Edward VII., D.G.: B. et T.T.B.R.: I.I.,         Does intend to give artists and authors and people         A little bit more of a show         Than has hitherto fallen to their lot.         His Majesty,         My dear Mr. Leno,         Has always been noted for his tact,         And in opening the ball with you, as it were,         His Majesty has exhibited an amount of tact         Which leaves absolutely nothing to be desired.         Had he commenced with Mr. Swinburne,         Or myself,         Or Mr. Hall Caine         What howls there would have been!         Whereas as it is         Everybody is delighted,         And the Halls resound nightly with his Majesty's praises.         Furthermore,         Besides being tactful,         The King's choice of you,         My dear Mr. Leno,         For an invitation to Sandringham         Has its basis in a profound common sense;         For I am acquainted with nobody in the movement,         My dear Mr. Leno,         Who could have done the Sandringham turn         With anything like the success which appears to have been yours.         I gather from interviews         That the King "laughed heartily" at your jokes,         And that "it was a treat to see him enjoying himself."         It is just here that Mr. Swinburne, myself, and Mr. Hall Caine         Would have broken down.         It seems to me unlikely         That the King would have laughed         At Mr. Swinburne's jokes;         My own jokes, as everybody is aware,         Are constructed on a principle         Which entirely prohibits laughter;         While, as for Mr. Hall Caine's jokes,         They have such a tremendous sale         That it is not good form to laugh at them.         Mr. Leno, my boy,         You have been the humble means         Of doing us all         A great kindness.         Those jokes of yours         Which have tickled Royal ears         Will be nectar to me         When next it is my pleasurable duty         To sit under you;         That hand which Royalty has shaken         I shall grasp         With an added fervour;         That smile will cheer me all the more readily         Because it has cheered         My liege Lord and Sovereign;         Those feet -    -         But, after all, the great point         Is the scarf pin.         I suppose you would not care to lend it to me         For a week or two         While I have one made         Like it?