When Tommy Came Marching Home

Devine came back the other day.     We'd planned a great home-comin'.     No long trombone we had to play,     No fine, heroic drummin'.     With two sticks and a milk-can Borne     Put up a martial clatter,     While Carter blew a bullock-horn     Says Tom Devine, with healthy scorn;     Gorstruth! what is the matter?     We set three colored petticoats     From Baker's chimneys blowin'     ('Tis not the bravest flag that floats,     Yet 'twas the finest goin');     We cheered our hero all we knew,     No song of praise neglectin',     To show our pride as he limped through     He merely spat and snorted, Who     The deuce are yous expectin'?     They lured him to my shop somehow,     And sued for news of battle.     Says Tom: Who rides the mail track now?     Who herdin' Stringer's cattle?     A dint the Turk put in his head.     He covers with a ringlet.     He'd won a medal, so we read.     I might 'ave 'ad it pinched, he said-     I've sewn it in my singlet!     Says Cole But, 'struth, you must 'ave seen     A fearful swag of scrappin'.     And Tom agrees Where men are keen     That's pretty sure to 'appen.     One night a little bloke from Hay     Who plugged a Pentridge warder     Got such a doin' that at day,     Amazed, they ticked him for a stray     Distinguished Service Order.     Then Sydney Bob was rather vexed     With Green, who'd pinched his braces,     That was 'continued in our next'     In half a score of places.     McCubbin threw his grub at Lea     (You know how sticky stew is);     They fought till neither man could see.     You talk of fight, Gorstrike me, we     Saw stacks of it at Suez!