A Legend Of St. Valentine.

Come! Why, halloa, that you, Jack?                 How's the world been using you?             Want your pipe? it's in the jar                 Think I might be looking blue.             Maud's been breaking off with me,                 Fact see here I've got the ring.             That's the note she sent it in;                 Read it soothing sort of thing.             Jack, you know I write sometimes                 Must have read some things of mine.             Well, I thought I'd just send Maud                 Something for a valentine.             So I ground some verses out                 In the softest kind of style,             Full of love, and that, you know                 Bothered me an awful while;             Quite a heavy piece of work.                 So when I had got them done             Why, I thought them much too good                 Just to waste that way on one.             Jack, I told you, didn't I,                 All about that black-eyed girl             Up in Stratford last July                 Oh! you know; you saw her curl?             Well, old fellow, she's the one                 That this row is all about,             For I sent her who'd have thought                 Maud would ever find it out             Those same verses, word for word                 Hang it, man! you needn't roar             "Splendid joke!" well, so I thought                 No, don't think so any more.             Yesterday, you know it rained,                 I'd been up late at a ball             Didn't know what else to do                 Went up and made Maud a call,             Found some other girl there, too,                 They were playing a duet.             "Fred, my cousin, Nelly Deane,"                 Yes, Jack, there was my brunette;             You should just have seen me, Jack                 Now, old fellow, please don't laugh,             I feel bad about it fact                 And I really can't stand chaff.             Well, I tried to talk to Maud,                 There was Nell, though, sitting by;             Every now and then she'd laugh,                 Sure I can't imagine why.             Maud would read that beastly poem,                 Nell's eyes said in just one glance,             "Wont I make you pay for this,                 If I ever get the chance!"             Some one came and rang the bell,                 Just a note for Nell, by post.             Jack, I saw my monogram                 I'd have rather seen a ghost.             Yes her verses I suppose                 That her folks had sent them down             Couldn't get up there, you know                 Till she'd left and come to town.             Nelly looked them quickly through                 Laughed by Jove, I thought she'd choke.             "Maud he'll kill me dear! oh, dear!                 Read that; isn't it a joke?"             Maud glanced through them sank right down                 On the sofa hid her face             "Crying!" not much laughing, Jack                 Don't think she's a hopeless case.             I just grabbed my hat and left                 Only wish I'd gone before.             How they laughed! I heard them, Jack                 Till I got outside the door.             There, confession's done me good,                 I can never win her back,             So I'll calmly let her slide                 Pass the ash-cup, will you, Jack.