A Manager's Perplexities

Were I a king in very truth,     And had a son - a guileless youth -     In probable succession;     To teach him patience, teach him tact,     How promptly in a fix to act,     He should adopt, in point of fact,     A manager's profession.     To that condition he should stoop     (Despite a too fond mother),     With eight or ten "stars" in his troupe,     All jealous of each other!     Oh, the man who can rule a theatrical crew,     Each member a genius (and some of them two),     And manage to humour them, little and great,     Can govern a tuppenny-ha'penny State!     Both A and B rehearsal slight -     They say they'll be "all right at night"     (They've both to go to school yet);     C in each act MUST change her dress,     D WILL attempt to "square the press";     E won't play Romeo unless     His grandmother plays Juliet;     F claims all hoydens as her rights     (She's played them thirty seasons);     And G must show herself in tights     For two convincing reasons -     Two very well-shaped reasons!     Oh, the man who can drive a theatrical team,     With wheelers and leaders in order supreme,     Can govern and rule, with a wave of his fin,     All Europe and Asia - with Ireland thrown in!