Ballade Of An Anti-Puritan, A

They spoke of Progress spiring round,     Of Light and Mrs. Humphry Ward,     It is not true to say I frowned,     Or ran about the room and roared;     I might have simply sat and snored,     I rose politely in the club     And said, "I feel a little bored;     Will someone take me to a pub?"     The new world's wisest did surround     Me; and it pains me to record     I did not think their views profound,     Or their conclusions well assured;     The simple life I can't afford,     Besides, I do not like the grub,     I want a mash and sausage, "scored"     Will someone take me to a pub?     I know where Men can still be found,     Anger and clamorous accord,     And virtues growing from the ground,     And fellowship of beer and board,     And song, that is a sturdy cord,     And hope, that is a hardy shrub,     And goodness, that is God's last word,     Will someone take me to a pub?                         ENVOI     Prince, Bayard would have smashed his sword     To see the sort of knights you dub,     Is that the last of them, O Lord!     Will someone take me to a pub?