Breaking It Gently

All was up with Richard Tanner     Wait-a-Bit we called him. Dead?     Yes. The braceman dropped a spanner,     Landed Richard on the head;     Cracked his skull, sir, like a teacup,     Down the pump-shaft in the well.     Braceman hadnt time to speak up,     Tanner never knew what fell.     Tell the widow? Whod go through it?     No one on the shift would stir;     But Pat Ryan said hed do it     Nately break the news to her.     Pats a splitter, and a kinder     Heart I never wish to know.     Stephens told him where to find her,     Begged him gently deal the blow.     In a very solemn manner     Ryan met the dead mans wife     Mornin to yez, Widdy Tanner!     Says he gravely, Such is life!     Im no widow! says she, prying     For the joke in Ryans eye.     Scuse me, mum, says Paddy, sighing,     Scuse me, mum, but thats a lie.     That remark would be repented     If Dick Tanner heard, says she.     Meanin, mum, the late lamented     Party av that name? says he.     Still the widow missed the notion,     Wonder only filled her eye;     So Pat smothered his emotion,     Gulped, and had another try.     Tis like this, ye see, me honey,     Ive been sint t let ye know     Yeve inherited some money     Twilve r fifteen pounds r so.     Through a schame av Providences,     Which no mortal man could dodge;     Poor Dicks funeral expenses     Have fell due, mum, at the lodge!