Breitmann in Politics I. The Nomination

Vhen ash de var vas ober,     und Beace her shnow-wice vings     Vas vafin oer de coondry     (in shpodts) like efery dings     Und heroes vere revardtet,     de beople all pegan     To say tvas shame     dat nodings vas done for Breitemann.     No man wised how id vas shtartet,     or vhere de fore shlog came,     Boot dey shveared it vas a cinder,     dereto a purnin shame:     Dere is Schnitzerl in de Gustom-House     potzblitz! can dis dings be!     Und Breitemann he hafe nodings:     vot sighds is dis to see!     Nod de virst ret cendt for Breitmann!     ish dis do pe de gry     On de man dat sacked de repels     und trinked dem high und dry?     By meine Seel I shvears id,     und vhats more I deglares ids drue,     He vonce gleaned oudt a down in half an our,     und shtripped id strumpf und shoe.     Vhen dey ploondered de down of Huntsville,     I dells you vot, py tam!     He burned oop four biano-fords     and a harp to roast a ham;     Vhen he found de rouge und mail de Paris,     which de laties hafe hid in a shpot,     He whited his horse all ofer     und denn pinked his ears, bei Gott!     Vhen he found dat a blace was ploonder-fool,     he alvays tell dem, sure:     Men, sack und pack! I shoots mine eyes     for only shoost an uhr.     Boot if de blace vas fery rich,     he vouldt say mit a solemn mien:     Men I only shleep for von half uhr more     ve moost hafe tiscipline.     He vas shoost like Knig Etzel,     of whom de shdory dell,     Der Hun who go for de Romans     und gife dem shinin hell:     Only dis dat dey say no grass vouldt crow     vhere Etzels horse had trot.     Und I really peliefe vhere Breitmann go,     de hops shpring oop, bei Gott!     If once you tie a dog loose,     dere ish more soon geds aroundt,     Und vhen dis vas shtartedt on Breitmann     id was rings aroom be-foundt;     Dough vhy he moost hafe somedings     vas nod by no means glear,     Nor tid id, like Paulus confersion,     on de snap to all abbear!     Und, in facdt, Balthazar Bumchen saidt     he couldtent nicht blainly see     Vhy a feller for gaddrin riches     shood dus revartedt pe:     Der Breitmann own drei Houser,     mit a weinhandle in a stohr,     Dazu ein Lager-Wirthschaft,     und sonst was somedings more.     Dis plasted plackguard none-sense     ve couldnt no means shtand     From a narrow-mineted shvines kopf,     of our nople captain grand:     Soosh low, goarse, betty bornirtheit     a shentleman deplores;     So ve called him verfluchter Hundsfott,     und shmysed him out of toors.     So ve all dissolfed dat Breitmann     shouldt hafe a nomination     To go to de Legisladoor,     to make some dings off de nation;     Mit de helb of a Connedigut man,     in whom ve hafe great hobes,     Who hat shange his boledics fivdeen dimes,     und derefore knew de robes.