Christmas Greetings

Christmas comes but once a year.     Though by nature snappy,     Let us, as we may, appear     Merry, friend, and happy!     Buckle to; and when you meet your     Thunderstricken fellow-creature,     Show the broad, indulgent smile     Of th' ingenuous crocodile!     Look as if you'd backed a winner!     Laugh, you miserable sinner!     Brother, Christmas Day has come.     Can't you seek for inspi-     ration in the turkey, plum-     pudding, beef, and mince-pie?     Brave it out, and tho' you sit on     Tenterhooks, remain a Briton;     You can only do your best;     Boxing Day's a day of rest!     Throw aside your small digestive     Eccentricities. Be festive!     Christmas Day is on the wing.     Are you feeling wroth with     Any one for anything?     Beg his pardon forthwith!     Though the right is all on your side,     Say it isn't; say 'Of course I'd     No intention - very rude -     Shocking taste - but misconstrued' -     Then (while I admit it's horri-     fying) tell the man you're sorry!     Christmas Day will soon have flown.     If, despite persuasion,     You resolve to be alone     On the glad occasion,     Better (do as I have done!)     Vanish with a scatter-gun;     If you have to see it through,     (Better do what I shall do!)     Dining quietly at the Club'll     Save us from a world of trouble!