Henry The Seventh

Henry the Seventh of England Wasn't out of the Royal top drawer, The only connection of which he could boast, He were King's nephew's brother-in-law. It were after the Wars of the Roses That he came to the front, as it were, When on strength of his having slain Richard the Third He put himself up as his heir. T'were a bit of a blow to the Barons When Henry aspired to the Throne, And some who'd been nursing imperial hopes Started pushing out claims of their own. But they didn't get far with their scheming, For the moment the matter were pressed A stroke of the pen took them off to the Tower, Where a stroke of the axe did the rest. A feller they called Perkin Warbeck Was the one who led Henry a dance, To make sure that nowt awkward should happen to him He worked from an office in France. He claimed to be one of the Princes As were smothered to death in the Tower. His tale was that only his brother was killed And that he had escaped the seas ower. Henry knew the appeal of the Princes Was a strong one for Perkin to make, And he reckoned he'd best have a chat with the lad And find out the least he would take. In reply to his kind invitation Perkin said he'd he happy to call, But he'd bring his own escort of ten thousand men And a hundred pipers an' all. This reply put the King in a passion He swore as he'd stop Perkin's fun, Then he offered a fortune per annum to him As could tell him how his could be done. Then up spoke the bold Lambert Simne The King's private scullion he were, He said: "Just one word in thy ear 'ole, O King, I've a plan as will stop all this 'ere." Then he took the King up in a corner, Where no one could hear what they said, He hadn't got far when King started to laff And he laffed till he had to he bled. T 'were a plan to anticipate Perkin, By getting in first with these tales, Start another rebellion before he arrived And take the wind out of his sails. And so Lambert Simnel's rebellion Made its fateful debut in the North Experts disagree who he made out to be, John the Second or Richard the Fourth. T 'was surprising how many believed him They flocked to his flag like one man, For in them days the folk would do owt for a change, And their motto was, " San fairy ann." It were quite a success this rebellion Till t'were routed by Henry at Stoke, And Lambert were taken and made to confess That his parents was working class folk. The public forgave this deception, The thing that made them proper mad Was a twopenny increase on every one's rates To pay for the fun they had had. And so when Peter Warbeck came over Expecting his praise to be sung, He was greeted, defeated, escheated, unseated, Maltreated and finally hung. And the Baron went back to his castle, The Peasant went back to his herd, Lambert Simnel went back to his scullion's job Because Henry went back on his word.