Her Terms

My wedded life     Must every pleasure bring     On scale extensive!     If I'm your wife     I must have everything     That's most expensive -     A lady's-maid -     (My hair alone to do     I am not able) -     And I'm afraid     I've been accustomed to     A first-rate table.     These things one must consider when one marries -     And everything I wear must come from Paris!     Oh, think of that!     Oh, think of that!     I can't wear anything that's not from Paris!     From top to toes     Quite Frenchified I am,     If you examine.     And then - who knows? -     Perhaps some day a fam -     Perhaps a famine!     My argument's correct, if you examine,     What should we do, if there should come a f-famine!     Though in green pea     Yourself you needn't stint     In July sunny,     In Januaree     It really costs a mint -     A mint of money!     No lamb for us -     House lamb at Christmas sells     At prices handsome:     Asparagus,     In winter, parallels     A Monarch's ransom:     When purse to bread and butter barely reaches,     What is your wife to do for hot-house peaches?     Ah! tell me that!     Ah! tell me that!     What IS your wife to do for hot-house peaches?     Your heart and hand     Though at my feet you lay,     All others scorning!     As matters stand,     There's nothing now to say     Except - good morning!     Though virtue be a husband's best adorning,     That won't pay rates and taxes - so, good morning!