How It's Done

Bold-faced ranger     (Perfect stranger)     Meets two well-behaved young ladies     He's attractive,     Young and active -     Each a little bit afraid is.     Youth advances,     At his glances     To their danger they awaken;     They repel him     As they tell him     He is very much mistaken.     Though they speak to him politely,     Please observe they're sneering slightly,     Just to show he's acting vainly.     This is Virtue saying plainly,     "Go away, young bachelor,     We are not what you take us for!"     (When addressed impertinently,     English ladies answer gently,     "Go away, young bachelor,     We are not what you take us for!")     As he gazes,     Hat he raises,     Enters into conversation.     Makes excuses -     This produces     Interesting agitation.     He, with daring,     Undespairing,     Gives his card - his rank discloses -     Little heeding     This proceeding,     They turn up their little noses.     Pray observe this lesson vital -     When a man of rank and title     His position first discloses,     Always cock your little noses.     When at home, let all the class     Try this in the looking-glass.     (English girls of well-bred notions     Shun all unrehearsed emotions,     English girls of highest class     Practise them before the glass.)     His intentions     Then he mentions,     Something definite to go on -     Makes recitals     Of his titles,     Hints at settlements, and so on.     Smiling sweetly,     They, discreetly,     Ask for further evidences:     Thus invited,     He, delighted,     Gives the usual references.     This is business.    Each is fluttered     When the offer's fairly uttered.     "Which of them has his affection?"     He declines to make selection.     Do they quarrel for his dross?     Not a bit of it - they toss!     Please observe this cogent moral -     English ladies never quarrel.     When a doubt they come across,     English ladies always toss.