In Kentucky.

(A Response to Judge Mulligan's Famous Toast.)      The moonlight may be softest         In Kentucky,      And summer days come oftest         In Kentucky,      But friendship is the strongest         When the money lasts the longest      Or you sometimes get in wrongest         In Kentucky.      Sunshine is the brightest         In Kentucky,      And a right is often rightest         In Kentucky,      While plain girls are the fewest,         They work their eyes the truest,      They leave a fellow bluest         In Kentucky.      All debts are treated lightest         In Kentucky,      So make your home the brightest         In Kentucky,      If you have the social entree         You need never think of pay,      Or, at least, that's what they say         In Kentucky.      Orators are the proudest         In Kentucky,      And they always talk the loudest         In Kentucky.      While boys may be the fliest,         Their money is the shyest,      They carry bluffs the highest         In Kentucky.      Pedigrees are longest         In Kentucky,      Family trees the strongest         In Kentucky.      For blue blood is a pride,         But, if you've ever tried      You'll find 'sporting blood' inside         In Kentucky.      Society is exclusive         In Kentucky,      So do not be intrusive         In Kentucky.      If you want the right of way,         And have the coin to pay,      You'll be in the swim to stay         In Kentucky.      The race track's all the money         In Kentucky,      But don't you go there, sonny         In Kentucky.      For, while thoroughbreds are fleetest,         They get your coin the neatest,      And leave you looking seediest         In Kentucky.      Short-skates are the thickest         In Kentucky,      They spot a sucker quickest         In Kentucky.      They'll set up to a drink,         Get your money 'fore you think,      And you get the "dinky dink"         In Kentucky.      If you want to be fraternal         In Kentucky,      Just call a fellow "Colonel"         In Kentucky,      Or, give a man a nudge         And say, "How are you, Judge?"      For they never call that "fudge"         In Kentucky.      But when you have tough luck         In Kentucky,      In other words "get stuck"         In Kentucky,      Just raise your voice and holler         And you'll always raise a dollar,      While a drink is sure to follow         In Kentucky.      'Tis true that birds sing sweetest         In Kentucky,      That women folk are neatest         In Kentucky,      But there are things you shouldn't tell         About our grand old State--and, well--      Politics is h----l         In Kentucky.